Ladybug And Chat Noir - Oneshots, And Maybe Some Crack And Headcannons

(Read A/N) Marinette's secret - AU

A/N please read this first- this is a really sad one shot and it does contain self-harm, depression, and a bit of anorexia/ bulimia. That being said, I'm not trying to do anything to promote any of it or anything like that, I just had an idea for a one shot so this is what was created from that idea. *TW* blood, depression, selfharm, and anorexia/bulimia in content.

'Hawlkmoth is still out there, and Chat and I have yet to defeat him. Its been over a year, we should be further then what we are at...'
I look up from the empty page that's blank. Its not like I'm going to be able to draw anything anyways. With all these thoughts going through my head at once makes it hard for me to focus let alone be creative. Now that I think of it, I don't even remember the last time I actually drew or designed anything. It doesn't really matter anyways,well not for now at least. In the end everything just goes by in the blink of an eye. No matter how hard I try, I only get so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter. I put my trust in too many people, I've gone as far as I can go it seems like. ((I listened to 'In The End while writing half of this))

I get down off my bed; opening the trapdoor to downstairs I start to feel panic wave over me. 'Im only getting a quick snack, they shoulnt get mad...right?' I head down anyways as the anxiety slowly washes away, little by little.

Once I'm back upstairs, I head to my bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and see all the flaws on me. My eyes look so tired, my arms scarred along with parts of my thighs, the way my hair falls when its not put up, how anyone could see how my stomache goes out just barely an inch from the rest of my body. So many in-perfections. So my flaws. How do people live with themselves when they start to look like I do right now?

I glance over to a small gold colored box, something you would find earings or something. Slowly I open the box anleady knowing that there's no stopping myself at this point. I look at the three blades I keep in there underneath the pillow like stuffing stuff in the box to hide them, and take it out, setting it on the counter. I look at my arm that I've been scratching off and on all day. 'Maybe my thighs would be a better idea. If I wear my swimshorts next week on Wednesday when our class goes to the water park, they should be long enough to cover up my scars and any cuts that I have'. I start to drag the blade across my thigh, not too deep, but also not to shallow as a flashback from a few days ago hits me...

Flashback: 'im sitting on top of the 3 leveled bunk bed across from ((just go with it please)) Josh and his two friends that are sitting on top of the other bunkbed which only has 2 levels. Dj, one of his two friends he brought with him, finishes his dare and looks directly over to Josh. He looks him dead in the eye as he asks him " Truth or Dare?"

"Uh dare."

" ok, I dare you to kiss Mari for 2 seconds."

"...Mari?" Josh looked at me with a questioning face to see if I was ok with it.

Trying to to show them that I'm scared, I give in, " Sure, why not.." And then it happened. Josh cam over and I instantly knew he was also scared. The only two single people in the room were about to kiss. As soon as it was over I was holding back how much I was shaking, and I felt like I needed to find a blade but I couldn't. Not in the middle of the game.

A few more rounds went on until Dj finished his turn. He looks at me this time and asked Josh the same question, " Truth or Dare?" My anxiety was about ready to shoot through the roof. Im trying to figure out what he's going to make the two of us do this time..

"Dare, " Josh answered. He didn't make eye contact with Dj, but instead with me.

" I dare you to make out with Mari for ten seconds."

Everyone just sat there for a moment shocked. I look over at Josh as he starts to come over to where I was sitting...'
End of Flashback

Next thing I know I have about 13 open cuts on my left thigh. With a sigh, I get up off the ground to clean them up. Well I guess I have to get ready for school now. Its already 6 am and if I don't start getting ready now, I'm going to be late, again. As 7:30 rolls around, I'm rushing out the door and running to school to be on time. I reach the classroom door as soon as the bell ring. Oh no

I quietly sneak in, hoping Miss Bustier doesn't notice. I sit down next to Alaya hopeing that she won't ask questions.

Time skip to after school brought to you by: Kwamii's and breaking the forth wall!

3rd pov

Marinette starts walking home from another boring day of school. Surprisingly nothing really happened. Even at lunch when she didnt eat anything, no one even questioned it. No akuma attacks, no visit from Chat, Adrien's dad didn't force him to do any extra photoshoots, everything was just, normal.

As dinner time rolled around. She had just finished her homework and headed downstairs. She wasn't feeling hungry, but she knew that if she didn't eat, her parents would most likely find out what was going on. After everyone was done eating, Marinette excused herslef from the table, walked her plate into the kitchen, and put it in the sink to be washed. Then, as soon as Marinette made her way to her room, she went I to the bathroom and locked the door. ' its now or never' she thought. She carfully lifted up the seat to the toliet and sat down on her knees. She took two fingers and put them in her mouth making her gag- reflex go off. She kept doing it until she had finally got everything she ate out of her stomache. Marinette slowly stood up onto the freezing cold ground, legs shaking slightly from what she had just done.

She slowly made her way up to her room. Opening the trapdoor, she climbed up into her roo. And sat down at her desk and looked at the still, ever so blank, sketchbook. Deciding that she should rest, Marinette changed into a pair of pajama pants and a tanktop that she then put a thin, white long-sleved shirt over.

As she got into her bed, she layed down and looked at the celing that she had painted with several shades and tints if various purples, blues, and some black and white to create a galexy. Time slowly went by as Marinette slowly drifted off to sleep, which she desperatly needed.

The next day was the same as the last with nothing unusual somehow. That nught, she took a long shower to try to rid her thoughts of the game she had played earlier that week. Getting out of the warm shower and drying herself off with a slightly warm towl that must have been brought right out of the dryer for her to use, Marinette sees that the cuts she had made were healing quite fast, considering that they were made about two days ago.

She rememberd that her cousin, who was a bit older then her had Josh's phone number and that she forgot to ask him for it. Marinette pulls out her phone, but just stares at it not kniwing if it was going to be a good ieaf or not. Talking herslef put of it, Marinette sat her phone down next to her and finished getting herself ready for bed.

While Marinette was drying her hair off, she remembered that she had a medication she forgot to take. Opening the medicine cabinte filled with many different types off pills, she grabbed three different bottles. Not paying attention to which ones she grabbed, Marinette took the lids off of each of the bottles and knew that this was her last night on the planet. She didn't think she had a reason to stay anymore if her life was going to be the same everyday. With anxiety and depression infulencing her to puke up her insides after eating, she emptyed the first bottle into her hand. Grabbing the second and doing the same. Before grabbing the last one, Marinette filled up her cup with water and swallowed the pills that were currently in her hands.

Marinette started to feel a bit light headed as she finally grabed the third bottle and emptyed its contents into her open hand. Shaking, Marinette swallowed the last of the pills as she hit the floor unconcous. If no one found her in the next 5 minutes, she would be gone forever. And no one did, u till it was too late...

Word count: 1582

Holy shit that was depressing. Also I'm sorry if it feels lime it was sort of rushed or confusing to anyone.