My Best Friend

Harm. Chapter 7

   THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THIS CHAPTER!!!

(CONTAINS SELF HARM AND DEPRESSION THOUGHTS!! IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS, SKIP OR READ AT OWN RISK!!!!)

PLAY SONG

   It has been a couple of weeks since my father slapped me, and to be honest, I'm not okay. It hurt. I'm always sad. I've thought about things but have never done them. I get no sleep at all. I have dark circles and bags underneath my eyes. I have scars from fights and I don't talk to my friends like I used to. I avoid everyone, including all of my family, at all cost. I lock myself in my room. I cry myself to sleep every. single. night.

    I am walking to school listening to music, when I notice Laurance walking along side me. "What?" I ask coldly, like I have to everything in the past few weeks.

   "What's wrong with you lately? You don't seem like yourself. Is it something one of our friends did? Or the shadow knights?" He asks and I give my first and best fake smile. "I am just stressed lately. So much homework. At least like  5 pages a night. And I just never get sleep," I try and keep up the act. He nods and we continue to school.

   ~~TIME SKIP TO AFTER SCHOOL~~

   Everyone was bullying me again and calling me names like worthless, fat, telling me to end it all and kill myself, to cut myself. So that's what I did. I ran at full speed home, tears about to fall again, leaving  the SK's confused. Aaron was in his room when I got home so I accidentally slammed the door shut and Aaron came out and asked if I was okay. i did the same thing as I did with Laurance but said, "I'm fine." I then ran to my room and grabbed a razor blade from my razor kit. I lean back against my door after I lock it and slide down it, sitting on my carpeted floor. I roll up my sleeves and start listing things of what is wrong with me and my life.

Ugly

Cut

Worthless

Cut

Not Worth living

Cut

Waste of Space

Cut

Stupid 

Cut

and the thing that was the worst thing to admit.

Not good enough for ANYONE

Cut

   For every one I said, I did one slit on each wrist. I was bleeding all over my uniform so I change quickly, bandage myself in those wraps and then go and throw my clothes in the washer using shout out.

    I changed into a long sleeve shirt, that had a black cat on it, and shorts. I then sit in the living room watching tv when Aaron comes downstairs to cook dinner, since Mom and Father aren't here.

   I go help him in the kitchen. "What are we cooking tonight big bro?" I ask and he chuckles.

   "Just some chicken alfredo. Nothing fancy," he says then we get to work. I could feel the blood slowly seeping through the bandage fabric, but if I go before dinner was ready, it would seem suspicious because I always wait until it's over. But then I look at them and I could see it through the shirt. 

   "I-I'll be right back," I say in a hurry and speed upstairs to the bathroom in my room. I grab two new bandages and unwrap the old ones and then re-wrap my arms again. They looked horrible. They were in all different directions, different lengths, most were extremely deep. And they hurt like crap. 

~~ANOTHER TIME SKIP BECAUSE I HAS NO IDEAS~~  

   A girl at our school... killed herself...  She did it about a week ago and the school just told us. The memorial was already down and all though. Her name was Ella. She used to be my best friend. I mean, until she started distancing herself from me, from everyone. Like I was. I was called to the office to show some new kids around. They were twins. Their names were Ben and Betty. As I was touring the hallways, I find Ella's locker.

   "And now, we are at the lockers. They all look normal? Ya? No," All my friends knew about the grief that was inside of me because maybe if I stayed by her side, she would still be here. They, along with everyone else in the hallway, was listening. Some whispering. "This was my old best friends locker. You all are probably thinking, 'Was? What do you mean by that?' Well my friends, what I mean by that, is that she had killed herself," I finish and Aaron came up to me and said, "Don't do this Brooke."

    I walked up to some suicide prevention posters on the wall. "You see all the posters? They weren't there before. They put them up BECAUSE she killed herself. And why did she do it?! Because the kids here treated her like crap! But no one wants to admit it! So they put up a memorial and all these posters because that's the kind of school this is!" I exclaim, everyone's eyes still on me, including the SK's and my Aaron's friend group. "Everyone is just SO NICE, until they drive YOU to KILL YOURSELF!  And sooner or later, the truth will come out! It will come out..." I look at my friends, old and same, and they all had worried or shocked faces. I turn and face the new kids who look a little scared. I smile a small smile and then say," Welcome to Phoenix Drop High."

     My face was dull. I had no emotions at this point. I had hit...Rock bottom. I ran outside and under the bleachers and started to write a note to everyone I love. I then stick it in my bag as I see a Christmas dance poster. It was next week. I guess that's when everyone will be out for the night. I will be gone. Just not to the dance. Anyone out there that actually care about me, I am so so so sorry for what I will be putting you through. 

    (I hope you liked it. I was not trying to be judge-mental or anything like that with depression. I know how serious it is, because I am going through it. And honestly, if anyone out there has no one to talk to, you can talk to me. I will try hard to understand it and I am sorry if I don't but if you ever need to vent to someone I am hear for you. Thanks!- Loner)

(1084 Words)