Project 8:11

4

I watch Bekah pull into her driveway and go into her house, without taking a second look at me.

She's upset because of me and I can't take it. The person I care most about in this world hates me, knowing that kills me inside.

I'm not even supposed to be talking to her. I should have just listened to my therapist, Dr. Rajue. This is insane, I'm insane. I can't keep doing this to her. I hate myself for what I do to her.

I walk inside my house and smell the familiar smell of beer in the air. I look around and see my dad passed out on the couch with several beer bottles around him.

"Dad, you need to wake up. Let's go get a bath." I throw my drunk father over my shoulder and carry him to our bathroom. After I start his bath, I began the usual Friday routine with my father.

After I have the puke residue rinsed from my fathers hair, I carry him to his room, quickly dress him and put him I sleep.

It's pretty pathetic I have to put my own father to sleep. This has been an ongoing thing for a while now. I've suggested rehab but of course he refuses.

Once I have my dad situated, I go and watch a movie in the basement. I check my phone for any messages from Bekah, and as I suspect, nothing.

I turn on the tv and look through the movie channels to look for a movie to watch. As I skim through the movies, I spot a familiar movie. Mean Girls, it's Bekahs favorite.

I click the movie and watch it from the current spot the movie is at. I am so pathetic, I'm sitting here watching a chick flick (that I don't even like) just because it's her favorite movie.

I decide to turn the movie off and head up to my room to take a shower myself. Once I get to my bathroom, I undress and hop in the warm shower. I grab the shampoo and begin to wash my hair. As I rinse the suds out of my hair, I notice my razor and begin to shave my face.

I quickly wash my body. As I run my loofa over my stomach I notice the faded scars. The memories from when I last cut run through my mind. I admit, I do miss the fresh scars on my skin.

I quickly reach for my razor and examine it for a minute.

I break off the tip of the razor and study the blades. I rip one of the blades out and begin to remember the cuts. I press the cold metal razor to the skin of my stomach. The familiar sharp pain fills my body.

Oh how I missed this feeling. The blood runs down my stomach and I think of all the bad things I've done to Bekah. I press the blade to my skin again to make another cut. " I'm sorry Bekah." I say to myself.

By the time I'm finish with the blade, there are seven scars along my stomach. I'm actually pretty happy about them. I'm crazy for thinking she cares about me. There isn't a reason she should, I've done so much to hurt her and I can't stand myself for it.

I get out of the shower and I dab my towel over my skin to dry the water from my skin. I take my towel and hold it over the cuts on my stomach to stop the bleeding. I pull my T-shirt over my head and put underwear on, and I head down stairs.

As I'm running down stairs, I see a missed call from Bekah. I decide to ignore it. Once I get to the living area, I see Bekah sitting on the couch.

"Sorry the door was unlocked and I was worried about you." She says without looking up at me.

"I'm fine." I lie. "I thought you were mad at me?" I really thought she was mad.

"I could never be mad at you Cal. I know I was upset, but that was only because I didn't want to lose you." She says, finally looking up at me with a smile.

"Well, let's watch a movie." I suggest and she quickly grabs the remote and scrolls through the channel guide. I take a seat next to her, but not to close.

She scoots closer to me, laying her head on my lap. I adjust my shirt so that I know my new cuts aren't showing.

She must have realized what I've done because she jolts her head up and quickly pulls my shirt to reveal my new cuts. The look on her face is one that I hoped I wouldn't see.

"Calum, why? I thought you where done?" Her voice is shaking with worry and I notice her eyes start to water. That alone is enough to make me break.

"I'm so sorry B. I know I told you I was done, but I thought I was going to lose you and I lost it." A single tear rolls down her face, and that's when I began to tear up as well.

"Look at me Calum." She pulls my head up so that I'm looking into her eyes. "You will never, ever lose me and that's a promise. I will always be here." She kisses my cuts and I can't help but smile. I really am crazy.

"I'm crazy about you Bekah." I can't help but say it with a smile on my face.

"You truly are crazy, Calum." She says smiling back.

I am truly crazy about this girl, and I can't help it.

•

•

•

WOOOO FINALLY A GOOD UPDATE!!

Honestly, I got a little emotional writing this chapter. It's chapters like this that make me happy!!

Any who!

XOXO

~meh