Messages I'll Never Send

It's hard to explain

It's hard to explain how much I care for you. See the thing is I think about you constantly. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I want to do is send you a goodmorning message. I make the decision not to. You may be wondering why. Well the reason is.... you have never once been the first to text me. You wait days to respond so why am I still sticking around waiting on you to keep the promise you made to me. I gave you a second chance because I couldn't see the problem. You don't want me the way I want you. You want to "have fun" but what does that really mean. It means you want to have casual sex with me when you have time. I'm not a girl you want to be with. I'm not really sure I'm even a girl you really want. Yet I still care for you. I put your feelings before mine. I text you everyday even if you don't reply as soon as I text. Why do I do that? Why do I put myself in this situation? Maybe because I'm scared of change. We have a history that I don't want to give up. Maybe it's because you're that guy for me. Ya know the one I'll always have feelings for. No matter how much you hurt me I'll always care for you. You have hurt me and I still went back. Our relationship has become exactly what you said it wouldn't but that doesn't matter to me I guess. All I want is you. I want to be with you. Not just a "really good freind" like you said. I can't force anything on you and I don't want you to think I'm too pushy and clingy. So I bottle up these feelings and forget about how much you're hurting me. I can't change you're feelings towards me and I can't leave you. So we will continue to have short conversations about what you want to do to my body and I'll tell you exactly what you want to hear.