Love... Not Romance [BoyxBoy]

Third - Love that Gives Joy for no Reason at all

 "I wonder why Nico gave this to me..." I muttered as I placed the white Calla Lily in the clear vase on top of my bedside table.

Although I was still a bit confused, I couldn't deny that receiving the flower form him sent butterflies to my stomach.

As a guy who received a flower from another guy for the first time, I was having mix feelings. My emotions are basically so complicated at that moment that I can't comprehend it myself.

If that flower came from any other guy, I would be weird-out about it, I'll be really uncomfortable, but since it came from Nico – the boy who I stole a kiss from and then subsequently fell in love with – receiving that flower made me really happy, beyond any words.

I was happy and yet it felt weird.

How should a teenage boy feel after receiving a flower from another boy?

It was so confusing for me. My mind was already in a whirlwind for falling in love with same sex, and then that same boy I fell in love with have to give me a flower.

Somehow that made me scared. Being happy with that flower made me feel like I was really choosing another path, that I was accepting the fact that I swing both ways, which was still pretty much unthinkable for me.

I'm not like that.

It's just that Nico is different.

Right?

"He even called me Drew..." I sighed. "...and it actually felt good..." I sighed again. "Wake up, Kyle Andrew, you need to fight that feeling, you need to forget it, you're not supposed to fall deeper." At that moment, I was still very confused. I still had no idea what to do with my feelings for Nico.

I knew that there's nothing wrong with love, but falling in love with the same sex was still a very unfamiliar territory for me. I had no idea how to deal with it at all. I know that, still, same-sex relationships are hard to accept and understand, and quite honestly, I find it hard myself to understand what I was feeling. Yeah, sure, I accepted the fact that I am in love with Nico, but all I accepted was the fact that I am in love with the person that he is, the fact that he is a boy, as I am, was still very difficult for me to fully accept.

I hated myself over it.

I cried many times because of it.

Now, I am starting to realize that maybe there's nothing wrong with it, because, being with Nico felt so right and so good.

I was still worried, though, that maybe falling in love with Nico was something very wrong, that he isn't the right person for me to love, and with what happened to my parents, I knew exactly the consequences of falling in love with the wrong person.

Ever since Nico appeared in front of me, everything became more complicated. Sure I had accepted the fact that I am in love with him, but still there's something at the back of my head shouting that what I was feeling was wrong.

I woke up the next morning and the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the white Calla Lily that Nico gave me. Then suddenly, I begin to think; what would Nico feel if he finds out that stole a kiss from him? Does he even have a clue that it was me who saved him from drowning?

That kiss was a secret that I wanted no one to find out, it was a secret that I was really embarrassed of. And experiencing the joy of being close and friendly to Nico strengthen that desire.

I was worried.

I was afraid.

If Nico finds out, then surely he would hate me. He would be disgusted. He would push me away.