The Choices We Make
Prologue:
“Ladies and gentlemen, parents, teachers, distinguished guests, and my fellow graduates – welcome.
Four years ago, I stepped into these halls of McKindle High School as a 13 year old freshman that had skipped the 8th grade. My brother Zachary and his 8 friends and girlfriend were juniors and seniors at the time. They took me under their wings and introduced me to anyone and everyone. At the time I was rather embarrassed but soon realized that they were doing it because I had left all my friends behind and that I was scared to be on my own. Then I met my then best friend Jasper. I had met and befriended him on my own. My brother and his friends accepted Jasper as if he’d been a part of the group all along.
A year later, tragedy stuck my family. My parents were at the courthouse, finalizing the adoption of their godchildren, when they were shot and killed. It came as a big surprise to Zach, our little sister Zoey, and me. We brought home these godchildren – Harley and Harper – and made them feel as welcome as we could with what had happened. Luckily they fit in with the three of us and our friends quite nicely. At the time, Harley was a junior and became friends with Phillip and Scott completing our rather large group of male friends. But I’m wrong. These guys were no longer just friends, they became family. No matter what was going on, one of them was always at the house, whether to help with homework, the cooking, the cleaning, or even babysitting. And not just the guys but their families helped as well.
Why am I telling you all this? It’s simple. It was two years ago at Zachary’s graduation that I heard something that as I got older, made more and more sense. It went ‘life is filled with ups and downs. The choices we make determine whether these ups and downs are good or bad’. When I heard my brother speak these words at his own graduation, I had thought of some of the decisions I had made like skipping the 8th grade and leaving my friends behind. I thought about my parents’ choice to go to the courthouse when they did. Both had their good and bad points. The skipping was a good choice where as my parents being at the wrong place at the wrong time was a bad choice. But it wasn’t until his graduation ceremony was over that I realized he was referring to his own choices that he had made that school year.
To this day I still think about those profound words. Over the last couple weeks, I realized there was more to his words than I initially realized. I now think what he truly meant is it’s not just the big choices we make that affect us, but the ones we consider as little ones can as well.
Let me explain further. We are about to embark on the next step in the journey of our lives. Many of us have decided to go to college after spending weeks, months, even years deciding which ones would be the most compatible with our personalities and career choices. Some of us have decided to take the summer off and enjoying the last bit of childhood freedom before joining the work force. A couple of us may already have a job lined up, followed by a wedding and starting a family.
Me? Well, I’m taking a full year off before I go to college. See, what I had seen as a little choice has turned into a big decision. I’m lucky that Zachary has agreed with my current choices and supports them.
Now for my final thought. When you go out into that big, wide world that is now opening up before you, remember these words:
Live fun, laugh often, love hard, and choose wisely.
Thank you.”
I sat here listening to my brother Zander’s graduation speech. I hear him say my name, hear him talk about me, and the pride in his tone of voice when he does so. I don’t know how he could have any pride in me. The year that followed my parent’s death was horrible for me, and bad for those around me. I’m brought out of my thoughts by the thunderous applause for my brother. I look at the stage and see Zander bow to the audience before he looks for something or someone. When he catches my eye, he holds his hand up and I see the ‘I love you’ hand signal. I do it back. He smiles, waves and leaves the stage.
I watch as he takes his seat and the ever lovely Principle Marlow walk to the podium. She announces it’s now time to handout the diplomas to the graduates. When Jasper and Zander names are called, our rather large group goes wild with the whistling and yelling. As the group quiets down, I look down at the sleeping infant in my arms.
Benjamin (Ben) Zacharias Dyllan is Zander’s son, conceived on a vacation/camping trip at the end of last summer. The pair tried to do the long distance relationship but one day the girl just stopped calling and taking his calls. Then a little over a week ago she called him saying it was very important that they meet and talk. He left to meet her and came home with the baby. She never named the infant and had the court papers saying she was giving up all rights to the child. He kept the baby, choosing to be a full time father. It was a difficult choice, but the right one for him.
When the ceremony finally ended, our group decided to stay put and let Zander come to us. I watch as he hugs some of his fellow classmates before joining us, his boyfriend Jasper right behind him. Yeah, my brother was more like me than I care to admit.
“You changed your speech again,” I comment as he approaches.
“I did. This one seemed more appropriate to my situation,” he replies before taking his son from me. I watch as both he and Jasper kiss Ben’s head. I saw a flash and knew someone had gotten the picture. I have to remember to ask for a copy. I listen as our friends discuss college behind me.
“You know, you can take a class or two with us,” I say to him as I touch Ben’s cheek.
“I know Zach. And I have given it a lot of thought. But Ben is my responsibility now. Plus, I don’t want to be in the middle of class when he rolls over for the first time, or cuts his first tooth, or learns to crawl, or says dada for the first time and have to watch it happen on a video like you did with Mac.” He looks at me wide eyed. “I’m so sorry Zach, I didn’t mean it like that!” I just nod, tears in my eyes.
“Baby, let Zan be. He knows you care. You are a great father, brother, and husband. You taught the four of them that making choices has consequences that they have to live with. They’ll make the right choices. I mean, you got Harley to go to college and that boy was a mess.”
“You do know I’m right here. And I was never a mess. I chose to go to college, and the one here because of my family – particularly my sister Harper.” Harley puts his hands on his hips. “And if memory serves correctly, you weren’t exactly the poster boy for being the clean cut, all American boy next door.”
“Aw, you do care,” my husband teases. I smack his arm that isn’t holding our sleeping toddler. He turns to look at me. His bright smile and expressive eyes make me forget what I was going to say. Instead, I get lost in the memories of how we got together and the choices I made along the way.
