Now and Then (Kleinsen)

Jared-Climbing Uphill/If I Didn't Believe in You (6)

Jared's POV

"I guess you didn't know about it until now." Evan crossed his arms. "You probably didn't even care either."

"Evan...of course I care!"

"Jared, I've been climbing uphill, and you didn't even notice until I was half your level!" Evan said. "Did you even know about the show? Did you know I get to play a lead role? I'm climbing higher and higher uphill."

"I-"

"Don't you tell me it's not important. Yes. I know it's off-broadway, but I got the role. Are you happy? Or are you just in your little world where everyone around you worships you and your books?" Evan asked. "But you need space to write. Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying distraction to you-"

"You're not!" I grabbed his hands before he put them on his face. "There are people, and they are publishing my book. And there's a party that they're having tonight. And while you've made it very clear that you're not going. Now, I will be going. And that's done. But what's it really about?"

I watched as tears filled his eyes.

"Is it really about a party, Evan? Can we please for a minute stop pointing fingers, and can we just say what you feel? Is it just that you're disappointed to be touring again for the summer?"

Evan didn't answer.

"Did you think this would all be much easier then it's turned out to be? Well, then talk to me, Evan. Talk to me. If I didn't believe in you, we'd never have gotten this far. If I didn't think you were the man who could do anything you ever wanted to, I wouldn't be standing here now."

"I'm sorry."

"You're okay." I kissed his hands. "We're okay. If I didn't believe in you, we wouldn't be having this fight. If I didn't think you could make it, I'd be walking out the door saying, 'Evan, you're correct.' It never took much convincing to make me believe in you."

"I..." Evan said. He stopped himself. I never knew why.

"Don't we get to be happy, Evan?" At some point down the line. Don't we get to relax? If I'm cheering on your side, Evan, can you support mine? Why do I have to feel I've committed some awful felony?" I asked him. "But you know what I think? I think you'll be fine! Just hang on and you'll see-But don't make me wait till you do. Will you listen to me? I can't fail just to make you comfortable in your own skin."

Evan let go of my hands. I felt anger rise in me. He can't do this. It's only because he's jealous. He can't get ahold of his career, so he wants to spoil mine.

"I can't do this." His voice was shaking.

"If I didn't believe in you, then here's where it all ends. If I didn't believe in you, I couldn't have stood in front of everyone and say, 'No. This is the life I choose.' That's what I thought we agreed on, Evan."

Evan was silent again. I could tell he wanted to end this. This, being us. The whole shabang. The whole time.

"If I hadn't believed in you, I wouldn't have loved you at all," I said. That's when he got up from the couch. His face had this plaster of anger. He was almost shaking with it.

"I'm leaving," Evan said through gritted teeth. "And I'm not coming back."

And I still somehow believed in him, as the front door shut, leaving everything I thought was good in the world.

Alright y'all!!! Next chapter ends this!

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