Season 8 Fics

this burden of mine

The first time she meets her cousin, the first thing she thinks is that she hates him.

This surprises her. Lyanna didn't really think that she had it in her to hate anyone until now, but its there when she looks at him, a bubble of resentment rising up in her chest, and the first time he comes to kneel in front of her with the air of a man who had seen a ghost, she just turns around and walks away.

It's rude, she knows.

But she's a lady.

Ladies are allowed to be rude to men who abandoned their house and their families and left it all to her.

It is the first time she considers the fact that she might not have wanted it.

"Go to the crypts." He is so much taller than her, which she hates. It seems to give all the men an unfair advantage, when they can look so far down upon her. "Please, for the sake of our house-,"

She wants to snap at him. Tell him that there was nothing of our left when it comes to her home. That if it was an our, truly, she would have no problem going down to the crypts, because Ser Jorah would be the one out here leading the men.

But someone has to do it, and that falls to her, just like so many other things had.

"I'm not going to hide." She wants to tell him about her mother. About how his father had passed it down to her father, and then took the black because he was so heart broken about the ruin of his son, and then her father died of pneumonia three months later. And then her mother and sister died in a war, and the only one left was her, because all the other men of their family were either dead or exiled. About how the women of Bear Island do not hide from the fight. "I'm going to defend the north, just like you."

We're defending the realm, the Queen would have argued, and inevitably Sansa would return with something like, funny how the rest of the realm isn't here to fight with us.

She likes Lady Sansa.

She hopes that she gets to live long enough to tell her that.

"The women and children-,"

"The women and children need someone to lead my men." Mine, she thinks, savagely, and she knows that somewhere that hurts him, even though he seems more than happy to follow his Dragon Queen around. She doesn't judge him for that. She seems a good person, this dragon queen, as far as strangers go. And in a fight against men born out of winter, she supposes fire can only help the cause. "So you hide in the crypts if you want, but this is where I'll be."

He stares at her. He needs be out at with the Dothraki, she knows that, and yet here he is, looking at the last of his blood and wanting her to be safe, and all she wants to do is yell at him about how unfair it is that she was left alone.

You were exiled, she would say, if she would say such things, and yet I was the one who had to pay the bigger price, I think.

But she would not say that. Words like that were not meant for the end of the world. If there was ever a time for mercy, it is now.

"I wish you good fortune, cousin," And he nods at her, like they've come to some sort of understanding and also like he wants to stay and protect her, but he has loyalties to stand by. Other oaths to keep. The oath to family had been broken a long time ago.

"And you," He says, and it is not enough, and when the giant comes bursting through the doors, a part of her wishes that she had listened to him when he said to go down to the crypts. The other part of her is too busy thinking of the pain, and also about her men, and maybe about how she had had enough with people who were bigger than her trying to tell her that she would not be able to fight.

So she runs.

Stupidly, and slowly, and limping, but she runs, right through all her men scattered over the floor, because she was their liege, their lady, and they had sworn themselves to her, and with each oath of theirs she had to give a part of herself back. As their Lady, she was meant to protect them. She could not do that if she cowers. She could not do that if she is afraid.

But she is so afraid.

That is the only time you can be brave, Jon had told her once, when she had made a comment in passing about not crying before a battle like some of the men were doing, and she remembers it now. It is a comfort, as much as you can be comforted when you know you are about to die.

This is my land, she thinks, and knows that whatever happens now, there will be no one to come after her. Mormont will be no more- Bear Island will go to some other family, some other man. Maybe Tormund. Maybe Greyworm and Missandei. She doesn't much care. She never wanted it. It can go to anyone. She had sworn to protect her people and she had, and now that part of her is almost gone. These are my people. I would be glad to die for them.

She had said that, once, when some lord mouthed off to her about the evils of battle.  

She is proud to find that it is true.

Good fortune, She thinks, when she feels that hand close around her and her ribs crack and break and the pain spikes and her breath closes off and there is nothing for her to do but reach forward and make sure that her knife hits home, I wish you all good fortune.