His Universe is a Trap

The existential crises

wait, i'm here again? oh no? what's the name of this library? oh God. What time is it?...

I feel really sleepy because i remembered i haven't slept since forever.

The tequila shots last night must have gotten so bad into my veins that I am feeling a little mushy and groggy this morning.

and boy. why is that man looking at me like im a snack? haha. I wonder how i can manage to look so put together even when i have just wasted a night for that man to drool on me like that. Ofcourse, there is no man.

It's the librarian. my single since birth cells are just assuming and make believing someone might actually check me out. That librarian is way too cute to be bothered like that.

as i rummaged through my bag, i almost fell out of my seat when i notice the time in my watch, 2pm? i thought it's just early morning? does it mean i've actually slept here all day? i'm quite confused.

and another thing dazzles me , why do i have an ID with my face on it but my name here is "Jenrica De Guzman"?

I can't recognize this name. This is so not me. Have i been faking my identity since i got drunk? Good lord better not.

I am not Jenrica, and i am so not a de guzman. But this librarian is going to scold me if she finds out that i'm not this girl on the ID, but atleast my face is.

Here she goes, hope this turns out pretty well.

She moves her eyeglass away from her, dabs a clean towelette over it to make her vision clear, as she strolls in high heels towards me, the clanking of the soles frightened me, and her slow motion movement seems to scare the life out of me, and why does she have to do that? is this some horror movie or something.

the ambiance of this library is all the more frightening, it looks like an old age architecture with all the coolness from the air conditioner and at the ceiling you can see paintings of angels dancing in sheer daylight clouds, extending their hands to me,  as if to say: "here amethyst, let us help you out."

but no, the librarian is already meters away and i feel cornered, as she prance towards me, i can't help but feel nervous and i don't even know why, is she gonna interrogate me for having a fake ID and identity or is she gonna scold me in front of these three other nerds here just trying to chill in their study cubicles?

Oh dear lord,here she goes, at this moment i feel very stale, almost frozen,i hold my breath as she murmurs the first word, "Jenrica."

Wait, does she know me? oh well, i reply, "Oh hi Miss..."    with an awkward voice to me, almost inaudible. my hands are still shaking. beyonce can't even.

She hurriedly taps my shoulder and says,  "look at you? have you been waiting for me here? sorry i had an urgent meeting to attend to. so i am kinda late today. " did you have lunch already?"

now everything she says, i cannot decode them. am i a joke to her? my name is not jenrica and i don't remember her or her eyeglasses or the fact that she is actually nice to me? none of these seems to register. but i don't want to get caught having a fake ID  so i said. "all is good."

what? that's the lamest reply i can give to any human being, let alone to a librarian. 😂 I am really confused. have i taken a lot of drinks last night for me to feel this way? for me to forget so much. anyways i'm still dizzy.

She immediately let out a smirk as if to signal how disappointed she is at my existence or my reply, instead she crosses her arms in a bossy way, and says "seems like you are not falling for my sweet aura today dear child, here let me help you"....

me: um mm excuse me miss

librarian: excuse you? have you been lost in your tiny Shakespeare world again to call me miss? really Jen?.....

me: yessss. no. yes. no. wait i'm just dizzy can you introduce yourself again.

librarian:  I'm your boss Jenrica, i own this private library, and it is your job to put your shit together, and work properly. you have been snoring in that chair for God knows how long!

with that, reality hit me hard. am i really working on this library?

so i tried to apologize to her and mustered the courage to ask her for a favor she might think of. seems like she is pretty decent and nice for a boss. Boy im lucky but still confused. we are getting lunch now while i still try to figure out who i am, who is amethyst, jenrica and what are these memories i have, that i can't even remember...

What would you do if you have five different lives to spend?

But neither in those lives do you know who you are.

You are like trapped in a circle,  you keep coming back to what broke you. And as each life ends, you desperately want to keep all the memories you have,only to be disapppointed at best.

There is this man that keeps haunting you in all the lives you have. Why is he so scary? Even if you do not know him, you always feel an instant connection with him? Is he someone you knew?

Amethyst is that girl. She has 5 wonderful lives to go to. But is she really happy? what if all of these lives are make believes?

Enjoy.