After All This Time

• Eleven •

"You know that hill? Like over that way?" Craig points in the general direction which is past the school.
"Yea, I don't think it has a name though."
"Think anyone goes there?"
"No, probably not." I'm getting slightly suspicious of him being so interested in whether or not this hill is a popular place. Craig shrugs and says.
"Let's go then." My suspicions heighten, I doubt he's gonna try and fuck me on a park bench though so I'm not sure why I'm so concerned. I walk next to Craig, we pass the school, there's now two kids there just sitting on a bench talking, one of them notices us walk by and waves, it was Stan, along with his friend, obviously Kyle.
"So Craig," Stan held back a laugh, he was about to say something but could barely get it out. "Are blond guys your thing?" He and Kyle  laughed as if they'd both discussed that joke before they even saw us. I smiled a little, mostly because I found it funny but also because it implies Craig and I are together.
"Absolutely, I just can't keep away from them." Craig answered sarcastically and continued walking. I turned to Stan and Kyle and waved as I ran up to catch Craig. I thought it didn't look very far, but it was about an hour and a half walk from Craig's house to the top of this hill. It's about 5 pm and the sky has darkened a slight bit, at the you of the hill there's a tree line between the road and the side of the hill that opens up to untouched snowy fields. There's a picnic table placed atop the hill, it's sort of unexpected since it's completely out of sight unless someone just happened to be walking along the side of the road. I sit on the side of the table that faces off to the fields, Craig drops down next to me and places the cooler down, he pulls two out, he places one in front of me and opens his own like it's his first and only thought. I've lost myself somewhere in the glittering fields of snow, I can see a white rabbit hopping around below us. "What're you staring at?" Craig asks.
"That rabbit." I point to it, playing in the snow and messing with the previously undisturbed fields.
"Cute." Craig remarks, he takes another sip of his drink. I finally decide to open mine, I take a sip of it and find it to be alright. My dads alcoholism gave me a decent tolerance to the stuff. "Hey, can I stay at your house again tonight? I feel like dads gonna kick my ass, even more so now since I just stole his beer." Craig laughs a little bit, I nod my head, I won't lie, I feel a little blood rush to my cheeks, I like having him with me during the nights. We sit together in a comfortable silence as the crickets begin chirping, it's not super dark yet but it's about the time of night for them to come out of hiding. I don't want to bring something up if it turns out it wasn't for what I hope but I guess I won't know unless I ask.
"Craig, last night, why did you do that? I don't mind but... Why? For what reason?"
"That's a weird question coming from the man whore." I can tell he's dodging my question but I can't help but giggle. I want to push but I feel like it's pointless, if he won't tell me then it was clearly just a product of desire, it meant nothing. I take a bigger drink from my can, suddenly in a more depressive mood, there isn't anything I can do if he doesn't feel the same way as I do, I'm okay with it, I didn't expect much else, I'm just internally crushed. Craig turns to look at me and takes a sip from his drink, emptying it. "Why'd you ask?" I feel  my heart begin to race, maybe I should just tell him? If I'm clear about it there's more of a chance he'll tell me the truth, but I think I already know how this will go. I grab a second drink from the cooler and open it, I sigh and pull one of my knees to my chest and rest my arm on it.
"I kind of didn't want to say anything and I still kind of don't but you asked and I guess it's possibly the best opportunity to say something-" I ramble and unintentionally stall by speaking quickly paced nonsense. "I think I love you- I don't really know the difference between a crush and love but I just know I've had these lingering feelings for you for a really long time and I've always wanted to say something but I was afraid of making our friendship awkward. I've been thinking about it a lot this past week, since that night at your house I just couldn't figure out if I should spill or not, but we're drinking and it makes me brave, I'm willing to admit anything." I didn't notice because I didn't want to look directly at him but Craig is staring off into the fields as I was a while ago, there's a calm smile on his face.
"Yea that's what I thought." He said calmly, it sounds like he's about to let me down easy but I'm not upset about it, I'm just so happy he's as calm as he is. "Things won't be awkward with us, I promise, and if things don't work out, we'll do our best to remain friends at the very least." My heart stops and so does my breathing, a slight wave of both panic and joy washes over me. The calmness in his voice and the cute smile on his face is just so irresistible, I turn on the bench to face my whole body to Craig and pull my knees to my chest."You wanna know something Kenny? I think I feel the same way." Craig looks down at his can with that small smile still on his face. He turns his head to look at me, it's awfully cheesy but as I've said before, looking into his eyes gives my butterflies, it feels like I'm gonna throw up, dear god I hope I don't. I sit up and cross my legs, the smile on my face is uncontrollable, I just can't sit still, I can't stop thinking, my thoughts are frantic, they're just jumping everywhere- Then a soft touch on my lips silences all thoughts and feelings, it tastes like beer, it feels like the world stopped, it feels like being on top of the world, it feels like I've finally fulfilled a quest I'd been set on since the sixth grade. We've kissed before, several times, but never has it been so meaningful, never has it been so gentle and innocent, so perfect, it's never felt so right. I could die right now and come back as happy as I've never been. It seems so stupid and cheesy to be happy over this but I swear I've desperately wanted and so patiently waited for this moment to come for years.
I just can't believe it.