Photograph [Milex]

Suck It and See

It was the night before my life changed forever. I was putting my last few shirts in my suitcase. I didn't really have much, just two suitcases of my clothes and stuff.

My phone buzzed. A text message from an unknown number.

Hey, this is Miles Kane, right? It's Matt Helders, from the pub In Sheffield a few weeks back. I just wanted to confirm you were still coming tomorrow? Let me know your arrival time and I'll be waiting for you with Alex. Can't wait! :)

I smiled. I couldn't wait to meet Alex. And I was excited to see Matt again. He was pretty darn cute.

Hey Matt! This is indeed Miles. I should arrive at 11:15 tomorrow morning. I can't wait!

My mum came in as I was just getting my suitcase closed.

"All packed up for tomorrow?" "Yes mum" "Are you sure this guy is serious about meeting you?" "Yes mum. I just texted him" "Good. I'm gonna miss you a lot. Goodnight dear, I love you" she said. She gave me a hug and ruffled my hair as she kissed the top of my head.

I was gonna miss my mum, but god was I excited for a change.

As I tried to fall asleep, all the bad thoughts hit me. My anxiety did this to me a lot.

What if they don't like me? What if they don't actually show up? What if-

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone buzzing again.

Sounds great! Alex also said he can't wait. I've told him a lot about you. ;)

Oh god. What could that mean? What if they were all bad things?

I couldn't sleep so I decided to put my favourite Bowie record on my turntable. I was beyond disappointed I had to leave it at home. I basically live and breathe music, and it wasn't unusual for me to have a record spinning.

I fell asleep quickly after that and woke up at 6am. Well, I woke up every two hours, feeling more anxious than the last. I didn't have to be at the train station until closer to 8:30, but my mum wanted to make me one last breakfast.

I hopped in the shower. It felt nice to have the warm water hit my back. It was cold and rainy outside but I didn't mind too much.

I put on the outfit I left out for myself, a pair of black skinny jeans and a dark blue sweater. I checked myself in the mirror before heading downstairs. I thought I looked alright, hopefully Matt thought so too.

"Good morning love! Sleep well I hope?" My mum greeted me downstairs, putting down a plate of waffles in front of me.

"Yes mum! Good morning!" I lied. I slept horribly. I still couldn't stop thinking about everything that could go wrong but I put all my focus on my last meal at home.

The waffles were delicious. They had strawberries on top and they were so fluffy and perfect.

It was 7:30 when we finished eating. "Do you want me to take you to the train?" My mum asked. "Don't you have work?" "Yes, but I wanna make sure you get there on time" "it'll be alright mum, I don't want you to be late"

I took my bags and headed to the nearest bus stop. 25 minutes on the kinda smelly bus and I'd be one stop closer to freedom. I grabbed my iPod out of my backpack and hit shuffle on my favourite playlist. Wonderwall by Oasis came on. I stared out the window and watched the raindrops fall against the glass. I finally arrived at my stop and my heart was pounding.

I collected my things and headed towards the ticket barrier.

I made it through, grabbed myself a coffee, and waited at my platform. Matt texted me again.

Hey Miles! Me again. Just wanted to make sure you made it to the train station. Alex keeps bugging me to make sure you're ok, what a dad haha.

Matt was so charming, even just through text.

Hey Helders! Yup, my train will be here soon. I'll text you when I get on so you can tell Alex

Alex. What a nice name. I knew nothing about Alex, but I guess that's the frontman's name. Man, I always wanted to be a frontman in a band. Or even do my own thing. I hoped Matt could help me do that.

My train arrived at the platform and I found an empty seat by a window. The rain lightened up a little, but it was still enough to make me feel sleepy. I decided to text Matt before I completely fell asleep.

Made it on the train! See ya in two hours x

I put my phone back in my pocket and fell right asleep.