wait, what?//(Bi)

my relationship

On August 10th I officially got a boyfriend.
This was my first 'serious' relationship so I was really akward, and he was a little too affectionate in public. I didn't feel comfortable being affectionate with him in public, for example at school. I talked to him about it and he did change a bit about it, but after a few weeks he would be at the same level as before.
I talked about it with my bestfriend and she once talked about it with him.

One time he send me a snap saying he really loves me and really wanted to do "IT" with me, if you know what I mean. We only had a relationship for two months. I almost cried because it was a little overwhelming for me.
(A/n this really sounds like I was being dramatic but I still don't understand why I almost cried)
I was, and still am, not ready for that so I told him. He appologized.

He also said 'I love you' via Snapchat to me. At that moment I didn't know what to say. I didn't feel the urge of saying it back to him. So I started questioning my feelings for him. When I didn't respond immediatly saying 'I love you' back, he send a snap saying:' most people would say it back.'
Because I didn't want him to worry I said it back. I didn't really meant it.

I explained everything to my bestfriend and she said that maybe I should try to push myself to be more affectionate with him in public (school). I told her that I was already doing that, but it was becoming to much for me.
She told me to talk about it with him and solve this problem, but I already knew that it wouldn't help.

I became more distant and he started to notice, but didn't say anything about it. He didn't like it when I was being distant and one day he was being an ass about it. So he tried to pull me to him by my butt and I said no to him and that he needed to stop with that. (He knows I don't like to be grabbed by my butt, I just don't like that feeling. And I did tell him that once before.) He than said:'It is one of those days again.' (anoyed)
I don't think that anyone would like to hear that. When he saw my face he started to appologize. I still didn't wanted him to touch me and he got offended.

During the days that I wasn't with him I started to think about the bisexual thing again. I did a quiz, but ofcourse I still didn't get the answer I needed.
This was taking over my mind and at one point I knew that I couldn't be in a relationship anymore. So a few weeks after new year I texted him that I needed to talk to him. I broke up with him and after that we still stayed friends, because we have the same group of friends.

A/n at this time my friends still didn't know I was questioning my sexuallity