ーEighth Member Of BTSー

ーthe day we debutedー

your point of view:

I remember the day we debuted so clearly. Well, more appropriately, the weeks we've been preparing to debut.

I remember how nervous our leader was. Namjoon has never shown such nervousness again.

I remember how excited our maknae ( 막내- youngest member) was. He couldn't stop himself from smiling all day, and eventually got sore and started to complain about his cheeks paining.

I remember seeing Yoongi oppa (오빠- older brother) repeating his rap lines in a corner. He had been waiting for this day for nearly 5 years.

I remember seeing Hoseok playing around with Taehyung and Jungkook. He was trying to get rid of the adrenaline in his body. His hands kept shivering each time he placed it up for a high five.

I remember seeing Jimin looking at himself in the mirror, checking to see if his abs were still there. I remember him refusing to drink water, or munching on anything before the shoot. I remember scolding him.

I remember Jin oppa staying close to me, an arm wrapped around my yet slim and petite figure. I remember him playing with my hair for a few minutes, maybe it was a way to fight his thoughts. Back then, Jin wasn't as bubbly as he was. He was closed off. Just like Yoongi oppa.

I remember when we had our individual shots taken for the music video. How each one of us encouraged the other members. I remember how many shots of the dances we took.

3, then 4, then 7, then 1.

I memorized the number so well that it means so much to me now. For the first place we started shooting, it was 3 takes. Then the next, 4 takes. Then it was 7 at the last place, and 1 when we were just fucking around.

I remember my outfit that I wore that day. Now that i think about it, we looked so cheap, yet so expensive at the same exact time.

I remember them placing me in a weird crop top that said "baby girl," I really hope I never wear such things again.  I remember wearing very short black denim shorts. It barely covered one fourth of my long ass legs. I remember that I had once piece of clothing that made me feel as if I wasn't naked. The stockings or the long socks, I still don't know what it's called. I remember wearing spikey high heels, it must've been expensive. I still have them. I remember how long it look for them to braid my hair. It took exactly an hour  and 3 minutes.

I remember how our hands were shaking when we pressed the post button for youtube and announced to other stations on television to help promote our debut song.

We didn't get any feedback, until the next day. Apparently we were the cool rookies. Jimin's killer part of showing his 6 packs got every single person down on their knees.

But, I wasn't getting any feedback. At least, any good comments.

I remember getting so much hate. I remember having fans comment about how it made no sense that one girl would be in a seven boys group. I remember leaving for a while.

I remember when I left, how much everyone was crying. Namjoon kept arguing with our  manager, telling him that I shouldn't be kicked out.

Ah, yes. I remember being kicked out of the group. Due to the comments, Bang Pd Nim didn't want me to put a bad impression for the group.

I remember he told me, "You can't be in this group anymore. You're a girl, not a boy." And i remember screaming back at him on the topic of gender and how it shouldn't matter.

I remember the rest of the members, protecting me and protesting against my leave. Jungkook couldn't utter a word back then, he was too small for them to pay attention to.

I remember that when all the other members were arguing with him, Jungkook was begging me to stay. I remember his exact words.

"Noona (누나- older sister), please don't go. You're the only one here that can help all of us, that understands all of us. We'll break apart. We're not BTS without you."

I remember hugging hin before pulling apart and leaving with my bags.

Then I remember coming back, and being engulfed in hugs. I remember how apologetic PD nim was. But, I didn't forgive him for a while. I don't hold onto grudges, but ever since that day, PD nim has been kind to me. He's never let anyone raise their voice against me and treats me like his daughter. But, I still remember the day he threw me out, and I will never forget it.

I remember being happy when we were on stage, there were a lot of girls and some boys appeared too. But, then again, most of the girls didn't mind my existence. Except one.

I remember seeing her with a sign that spelled out everyone's names, including mine. She screamed my name so loudly that the other members giggled into their mics.

I remember thanking her after the stage was done, and she nearly fainted.

Now, she's one of my closest friends. And she's still my biggest fan. Her name?

Jimin Park.

No, not my Jimin. The girl Jimin. Or better known as Jamie.

I remember everything, from start to finish.