Poems For The Lover And The Loner

Feels Like Yesterday

Almost every evening now I think of you. I stare off into our past and dig up my favorite memories; the ones I think about when there's nothing else to occupy my time. And as I dream my way through it, it all feels like it happened just yesterday. It feels like a day ago we were walking through the cold winter air. arms around bodies and fingers weaved through hair. As much as I think of it, I can't miss it, even if I tried. And it can't make me sad, no matter how hard I try to front the tears.

I never thought about my life past the end of last month. I knew I would have to keep mindlessly skimming through textbooks and taking notes for irrelevant exams. I knew I would have to deal with the pain that comes with seeing him and her everyday. I'll glance across the schoolyard to see him talk with her. I wonder often if he sees her like he saw me. Is she his world like he is unfortunately mine? I hope not. As much as it stabs to see them talk, it burns more to see them touch; to see her rest her hands on what now "belongs to her" but actually belongs with me.

It only hurts because I know he'll do so much more  right with her than when he messed up with me. Everything will be different and better for them. they aren't a secret like him and I were for so long. They'll do better, and maybe last longer, but I was his first, and I will be his last.