Bechloe - No, Not Much

Chapter I

Chloe's POV

I can't stop thinking about her and I hate it. Why can't I stop thinking about her? It only hurts me. It only makes things worse for me. Where do I begin? Beca Mitchell. That's where I begin. That woman... That damned woman has got me feeling all sorts of things since I met her several years ago. For years I've had feelings for Beca Mitchell. It hasn't been easy watching her be with her boyfriend Jesse. Don't get me wrong, Jesse is a good guy but I don't like him being with Beca because, if it's not obvious enough, I want to be with Beca. I've always wanted to be with Beca and that woman had always rebuffed by advances but I don't even think she really noticed them to begin with.

It hurt me deeply when Beca got together with Jesse. She walked off of that stage, into the crowd, and kissed him. I never thought my heart would have broken so much but it did at that moment. I knew right then and there that Beca wouldn't be mine. I cried a lot about it and Aubrey tried to help me get through it and she's been great. Beca and Jesse have been together since their first year at Barden and now they've both graduated and they're still together. I'm curious to see what will happen from here though. Jesse wants to make movies while Beca wants to produce music and they both have jobs on opposite sides of the country. Beca says that they're going to try and do the long-distance thing and she seems pretty confident, as does he.

However, they've got a few weeks before they need to move. Beca's going to go to New York and she's invited Fat Amy and me to go. Fat Amy was all for the idea but for me... I'm not so sure anymore. I mean, I want to go with Beca, I really do but one part of me doesn't. She's hurt me so much but that's no fault of her own. I was the one who fell for her and I still have feelings for her. I wish I didn't but there's something about Beca that just entices me and I can't get enough of her. She rocks the badass look and I'm completely smitten with her. She's amazing and I want nothing more than for her to be my girlfriend. I've had dreams of us being together and the feeling I get from those dreams is amazing. I try not to think about the fact that those dreams will never become a reality.

While Beca's been making plans with Jesse, I've been staying with Aubrey at the Lodge where she works. She's allowed me to bunk with her until I figure out what I want to do. Aubrey has been really great to me. The majority of the Bellas don't like her but she really has changed over the years. Her working at the Lodge allows her to exercise her control issues and it works in her favour. She gets jobs done and she pretty much runs the whole place! But that doesn't surprise me. Aubrey has always been a work orientated woman so it was only a matter of time before she got to the top of the laddder. I'm really proud of her and she's proud of herself. She's happy and that's all I want for her. She's got a job that she loves and a girlfriend who she loves even more.

She and Stacie have been together ever since the beginning. They hooked up a few days after the aca-initiation party during Stacie's first year. They made out at the party but they didn't do anything else since Aubrey was trying to figure out her sexuality and what she wanted in someone and in a relationship. She kept coming to me for advice and it was so cute. I was able to convince her not to be afraid and just go for what she wants and she did. Now, she and Stacie are planning on moving into an apartment together. Once we graduated, Stacie decided to stay with her parents for a little while since they wanted to congratulate her on her graduation and give her a little break before she stepped into the real world and begin the next stage of her life.

I'm super happy for Aubrey and she and Stacie make the cutest couple ever. I wish I had someone like they have each other. Aubrey keeps telling me that I need to get myself back out there and try and find someone but every time I even THINK about getting back out there, my mind falls to Beca and she's the only one I want. I know it doesn't do me any favours but the heart wants what it wants but in saying that, am I going to keep chasing after someone who has no idea that I'm in love with them? Am I just going to wait and hope that ONE DAY Beca will come around? Is it going to take me watching Beca walk down the aisle to someone else for me to FINALLY realise that she'll never be mine? Who knows? I hope it doesn't get to that stage but... who knows?

Beca has texted me and called me multiple times over the past week and a bit to find out what I want to do but I haven't been able to respond. I still don't know what I want to do and if I'm being honest, I don't really want to talk to her right now. This is the first time in years that I've been freely away from Beca so it's a good time to clear my head. But also, to put it simply - I've been avoiding her. Beca and I used to be really close but now... I just can't be around her. It's not like me to avoid someone like this but as I said, I need time to think.

I haven't seen Beca in person since we graduated. It's just too painful for me to see her and spend time with her. She doesn't ask to hang out with me since she's too busy with... him. Ugh. I can't even say his name - it makes me angry. I honestly don't know what she sees in him. I know it's mean of me to say since Jesse is a nice guy but sometimes he rubs me the wrong way. He and Beca have had many arguments in the past and one of which almost reduced Beca to tears. I was ready to rip his balls off and shove them down his throat but Beca sorted it out with him the next day and they were fine - but I wasn't. Nobody hurts Beca and if they do, they better run.

Right now, I'm at the Lodge bunking in Aubrey's executive cabin. Since she pretty much runs this place, she's got one of the best, if not THE best set up in the Lodge. It's cosy and it brings me comfort in my difficult times. It's a nice, calm night and I'm sitting on the couch typing out an email for one of many vet schools around the country. Ironically enough, the school in New York is looking very promising. If I get accepted, then I'll have to move over there but I don't know if I'll be able to live with Beca.

I finish typing my email and just as I send it, I get a phone call and my heart races when I see that it's Beca. Why is she calling me at this hour? It's nearly half-past ten. I know Beca's a night owl but she still doesn't call people this late. I hope everything's okay... I pick up my phone and answer.

"Hello?"

"Chloe?" Beca sniffs, an obvious sign that she's been crying and it breaks my heart.

"Bec? What's wrong?"

"Can... Can I come over?"

"Now?"

"Yes..."

"I'm at the Lodge."

"I know, I'll drive. I... I just need to talk to you..." She sniffs again.

"Okay, only if you're comfortable driving at this hour. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not."

"Are you hurt?"

"No... I'm just upset... I'll tell you when I get to you."

"Alright. Drive safely, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you soon."

"You will. Bye,"

"Bye." I hang up.

What... what the Hell has happened? She sounded so upset and she wants to come to see me. Did she and Jesse have a fight? It must be serious since she's coming all the way down here to see me... I don't know what's going on but I just hope Beca's okay - that's all I care about and that's all that matters.