25m Distance Between Us

My Big, Fat, Koopa Wedding

Mario pushed open the double doors and entered the Cathedral. He dusted off his white tuxedo and Cappy opened his eyes. He was enjoying being in possession of a white top hat.

The first room was gorgeous and white, with stained glass windows and gorgeous decorative columns. As expected, he heard an organ playing a wedding song from the other side of the next set of double doors before him.

"This is it." Mario said, anxiously. It was time to finally put an end to this madness.

When the plumber opened the next set of doors, the organ stopped playing, and there she stood before him, in the flesh. Her brown hair glowing ominously in the light of the Cathedral, and her eyes set on him, anxiety filling them.

Mario almost choked down a sob, but kept his composure.

"Pauline..."

Pauline looked straight at Mario, up and down. It was him. It was really him. Why was he in a tuxedo? He wasn't planning to marry Peach in front of her, was he?

Before she could so much as squeeze in a 'hi', the god-awful Bowser Band began playing. Pauline just knew that Bowser was behind the curtain, listening in, so she began as well.

"Mario, you're a fool,

nothing but a simple tool.

You can't even save your women from the rain!

You allowed the Princess, again,

the Mayor as well

to be captured,

because you are nothing but cheating scum!"

Mario's eyes opened wide. He couldn't believe his ears. This is how she greets him after so many years of being apart?

"If you think that I'll forgive,

you for this, you piece of shit,

you had better think or you won't live!

If I ever see you in my city, know

that I won't allow you in!

You're officially banned from New Donk forever

and I want to see you slain!"

Mario didn't know what to say at this point. He knew she would be upset, but to say such awful things, and in such an unpoetic manner...

Bowser! Of course! The plumber shook his head in disapproval.

"You have failed,

your ship has sailed,

your Princess wailed,

my heart is veiled,

your blood will be trailed,

I hate you more than..."

The band hit a pause, and Pauline tapped her foot for a moment.

"New Donk Vale!"

She did not want to use the original sentence that Bowser had written, so she used the name of their High school to fill in the blank.

Bowser, behind the curtain on the other side of the room, reread his script, and realized that he had written "your hideous stubby tail." He shook his head at her butchering of his magnificent slander against Mario's manhood.