END ME

10

Patricks POV

When I woke up, Henry was laying next to me, his arms wrapped around my body. I smiled at him, he's so cute. I moved my hand up to the side of his face and moved the hair away from his face. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled. "Good morning.." he whispered softly and looked at me. I smiled back "good morning cutie.." he blushed and smiled wider. "Oh you think I'm cute? Have you seen yourself?" I laughed a little and sat up "agh, shut up.." he also laughed and sat up. We both stood up at the same time. I groaned loudly and slowly walked into my bathroom. Henry stayed in my room as I looked at myself in the mirror. I frowned as I heard the very familiar, unwanted voices fill my head.

Gross... how does Henry think you're cute??? Patrick you, my friend, are fucking disgusting! Just look at those scars... pathetic... and not to mention that honestly.. you're just flat out ugly..

I looked down at my naked body and whispered softly. "It's not.. that.. bad... is it?"

Patrick, Patrick, Patrick... please... we all know that Henry doesn't actually think you're gorgeous or anything! You fucking pig you look awful. You're just an easy fuck. Notice how much you guys have been doing stuff? That's the only reason he likes you, you dumb fuck. Jesus Christ you're so pathetic!

I felt my heart drop. They're right aren't they?.. god it makes so much sense... why else would Henry want me?... he did say I'm a slut last night... but... ugh.. do I care really? I mean I like all this sexual attention.. why should I care? The voices interrupted my thoughts.

Why should you care??? Umm because you're in love with him!.. duh. You really are stupid.

I growled and whispered "I'm not in love with Henry!" I heard Henry laughing from the other room, I opened the door and saw him looking through a photo album "awww-.. hahaha! Baby Patrick. This is the cutest shit I've ever seen-.. holy fuck." I blushed and closed the door again. Sitting on the ground.

Henry's such a liar... he knows you can hear him.. that's why he's saying it Patrick... don't be stupid we're trying to protect you...

I scoffed "protect me?? You guys are driving me insane! You guys are the reason I have all these scars! You're the reason I sometimes wanna kill myself!"

Henry's laughing stopped "did you say something babe?" I frowned and sighed "no-... I was just talking to myself.." he got up and I heard him approach the door. "What ya talking to yourself about?" He laughed softly, I could tell he was smiling from the tone of his voice. "Nothing..." he tried opening the door but I was sitting in front of it. "You ok?" I tried to sound happy "Yeah.. I'm just.. washing my face.." I stood up and turned on the faucet. I heard him sigh "ok... I'm gonna go see what you have to eat.. I'm starving.." I nodded to myself "ok..." as soon as I heard him leave I looked up at myself in the mirror. "You're so pathetic... god they're right aren't they?.. they're always right..."

Finally you start listening to us...

I walked out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, Henry looked up at me and frowned. "Why'd you lie?" I raised an eyebrow "what do you mean?" He closed the fridge "you didn't wash your face... I can tell.." I laughed a little "uhm.. oops.. I forgot... I was meaning to but I got all.. caught up in my thoughts.. it's like when you walk into the kitchen and forget why you went in there.. ya know?" His face softened and he chuckled "I guess.." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He looked blankly at my empty fridge "damn... you don't even have milk or anything.. where's your dad?" I shrugged "who knows.... who cares?" I said the last part in a whisper. He closed the fridge and looked through the cabinets. "Babe there's literally nothing other than... a dead spider and a few old chips.." I laughed a little. "How do you know there old?" He glared "this isn't funny Patrick. Do you have any money?" I nodded "yeah..."

He walked over to me "why don't you use it to buy food?.." I shrugged again "I need cigarettes..." He sighed "seriously Patrick?.. when's the last time you've actually had food in your fridge?.." I shrugged "I dunno... two weeks ago?... I've been eating every time I go over to your place... and plus I don't get hungry very much." He looked mad. "I know what you're doing..." I'm confused.. what??? I'm not trying to do anything! "Hm?" He growled "oh.. poor you.. fucking starving yourself!.. you think this is gonna make me feel bad for you or something? God Patrick. This isn't cool!.. it isn't attractive.. what the fuck is your problem? You're obviously not ok.. why the fuck are you doing this?" He didn't even give me time to answer his questions he just kept ranting. "If sympathy is what you want you're not getting it! Not from me! Jesus Christ.. are you doing this for attention?" I squinted my eyes at him, trying to find any hint of this all being a joke. Why is he so pissed? And accusing me of so much shit? "Henry I just told you.. I'm fine... I mean I eat whenever I go to your house.. and I'm there all the time... I practically don't need any food here I'm barely here anymore." He growled "drop the shit Patrick... I get it.. being in this gang for so long. You have a reputation of being this big bad psycho path but just cut the shit. No one else is here. It's just us. Why the fuck are you pretending to be so tuff?"

Wowww.. he can see right through you.. I bet he's gonna break up with you.. look how mad he is at you... fuck Patrick I can feel how sad you are.. don't you wanna cry. Aww your eyes are tearing up. Pathetic pathetic pathetic. He doesn't love you he thinks your insane.. damn just look at how fucking mad he is. All because of you. You don't deserve his love anyway. Fucking pathetic.

"Uhm, hello?? Why aren't you answering me??.. why are you acting like this? Tell me why the fuck you're-.. are you about to cry?" He scoffed "do not play the victim here... don't you dare fucking cry Patrick." I couldn't help it. This hurts so bad. A tear slipped down my cheek but I wiped it quickly. I wanted to say something but I knew if I did I'd just break. I'd start bawling my eyes out and I couldn't do that. Not in front of Henry. I covered my eyes but he slammed his fist against the counter. "Look at me..." I slowly looked up at him. I was so ashamed of myself. "S-Sorry..." he sighed and just kept staring at me. "You realize you need food to.. ya know... survive!" Why did he have to say everything so harshly? I nodded softly. He stood up straight and groaned "Jesus Christ I can't do this right now..." he stormed off outside but I didn't hear his car turn on, I assumed he was just gonna stay in the front yard. Maybe smoke a cigarette or two. As soon as I heard the door slam shut I let go. My tears finally being able to fall, It hurt holding so many back but I felt such a relief when I was finally able to just, let go. My whole body was shaking as my heart sped up. Tears refusing to stop pouring out of my eyes. "Pathetic.. pathetic.. pathetic! God why am I so stupid?.." my voice was shaky. I laid my head on the counter, banging it against the cold surface slightly. My nails dug into my arms as I 'hugged' myself. I nearly had a heart attack when I felt two arms wrap around my waist, and a familiar pair of lips kiss my cheek. "I'm sorry..." his voice cracked. "I'm sorry..." he repeated himself as he continued to hug me from behind as I kept crying profusely. I was so ashamed of myself and so embarrassed that I couldn't stop myself from crying. He shouldn't have to see me like this... how isn't he disgusted. He pulled away and stood next to me, his arms spread wide, waiting for me to hug him. I shook my head and his arms fell to his sides. "I'm so so sorry... I don't know what got into me I was just so.. angry.. I was pissed, but not at you... at myself.. for.. for not noticing this. I should have realized. I mean your dad is a complete asshole I'm not surprised..." I just continued to cry, I felt a liquid drip down my arm, where my nails were digging into my skin. Henry's warm hand grabbed mine and attempted to pull it away from my arm "stop..you're hurting yourself.." I refused to let go. "I know..." he frowned "please let go... let me hug you.. and kiss you.. and let me comfort you... please Patrick I'm begging you let me help you feel safe.." his words hurt, only because they were so nice... so meaningful. I hated it. If the voices were right it's all a lie but.. in that moment I didn't care.. I didn't want to care. I just wanted to be in his arms. I finally stood up and turned to him, for the first time he saw my red, puffy eyes as tears continued to fall. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek multiple times. "Babyy...I'm sorry.. I'm so so sorry... I didn't mean to yell at you... and I'm sorry your dads an ass and that you have no food.. I'm sorry I didn't show you any love sooner cause Jesus Christ.. You need it..." did he just say love? I blushed and smiled a little. He looked down at me as I looked at him. We both leaned in and kissed passionately. For some reason.. this is gonna sound stupid but.. no joke guys I got butterflies. You know how in movies they describe it as fireworks? I get it now.. I pulled away and wiped my tears. I wanted to say it but I couldn't... I wanted to tell him I love him but I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself.