GLOW-UP

47 | after dark

taeil let the front door to the apartment softly shut behind him. he'd had johnny over plenty of times before, but it had never been like this.

it had never felt like this.

johnny stood in the hallway, cast in shadow. he seemed nervous, somehow, though that was strangely out of character for him. there was still a feeling of intimacy lingering between the two of them, and it set johnny's heart racing a million miles an hour.

shit.

the silver light of the moon played with the shadows on taeil's face, illuminating the lines of his neck, and the curve of his jaw, and the twinkle in his eyes. johnny felt so suddenly overwhelmed - by the way taeil looked at him in the dark, by the newness of the feelings in his chest.

did taeil want... to have sex? johnny was both eager and terrified at the same time. were those his intentions, though? is that what the invitation back to his place meant? or was johnny reading the whole situation wrong?

he hated not knowing.

"you can come in," taeil prompted quietly, nodding at how johnny hadn't even managed to take his shoes off yet.

"oh," johnny exhaled through a nervous laugh, "yeah, of course."

he took his sneakers off and put them neatly by the front door - another thing that was particularly out of character for him. johnny was usually a 'kick them off' sort of person when it came to removing shoes. he followed taeil further into the apartment, high-strung and anxious with anticipation.

"do you... want a drink?" taeil spoke up again, breaking the deafening silence between them. he'd had a few glasses of champagne, if johnny remembered correctly, but he wasn't anything past a little tipsy at this point.

johnny, on the other hand, was stone-cold sober, with next to nothing in his bloodstream to calm the neverending string of nerves.

"uh..." he watched taeil head for the kettle, and quickly decided to steer the situation away from tea. "got any beer?"

johnny couldn't quite meet taeil's eyes as he crossed the room to get to the fridge. there had to be some beer in there. or something stronger, if possible. if johnny's instincts were correct, he was going to need to be very drunk to get rid of the pit of anxiety in his stomach. having sex sober sounded both thrilling and nauseating.

actually, having sex with taeil specifically was both of those things and probably more. just the thought of it met johnny with a wave of mixed emotions and intense fear. what if he was bad at it? or worse - what if he didn't even know he was bad at it, and taeil had a shit time, and never wanted to do it again?

god, there was so much to be worried about. and johnny was never worried. (except for during every new experience with moon taeil.)

"i think... yuta probably has some," taeil spoke up eventually. "in the fridge. if you want it."

yes, please. johnny didn't just want the beer. he needed it. if he was going to get through tonight without having a mental breakdown, he needed a lot of beer in his system. in fact, shots were probably a better idea at this point.

"thanks," johnny muttered, after fumbling in the fridge for an awkwardly long amount of time. he wedged his thumb under the tab and the can of beer opened with a hiss. it felt a little too loud against the silence in the room.

"you know," taeil said softly, not moving an inch from where he stood, just looking across the room with a gentle gaze, "we don't have to do anything."

johnny stared at him for a second before hastily chugging the top third of his can. he could barely believe it. he was being reassured that he didn't have to do anything sexual by taeil - the self acknowledged virgin. the whole situation was almost bordering on ridiculous.