As Usual, It's My Wife's Fault

Her Boomer generation's why your kids act ugly

According to a lot of highly credentialed doctors

Millennials would be all warm and cuddly

If Baby Boomer moms hadn't overused their helicopters

Millennials were born between 1981 and the mid-'90s

They're the second largest U.S. population corps

Boomers still outnumber them slightly

But Millennials are coming fast in their rearview mirror

Millennials are regarded as high in self-esteem

Much of the rest of the population has reservations

Their most persistent talent is emitting a primal scream

When life doesn't match up to their expectations

And naturally, they say it's someone else's fault

Boomer progenitors (1946-1964) get much of the blame

I myself managed to duck the criticism assault

By getting born two years before the Boomers came

Millennials have shelves full of participation trophies

Just showing up got them a laurel wreath

Parents believed this would eliminate all inequalities

Who wants to be a Brave when they can be Chief?

Millennials were told that they're perfect already

That the world needs to adjust its admiration standards

Moms said this to make them independence ready

Sadly, many of them bought into mom's canards

When their all-too-human limitations are exposed

By hyper-competitive real-world demands

They retreat to the one bunker that's never closed

Boomeranging back home's their fail-safe plan

By far our most highly educated generation

A college degree's a basic must on their resume

And unless it was an Ivy League matriculation

They can't expect CEO commensurate starting pay

Without that exalted level of remuneration

They'll never pay off all of their college debts

And mom can soon expect a tearful communication

"Hope you haven't rented my old room out yet"

Most Millennials are technologically savvy

They've grown up welded to impersonal commo devices

Think face-to-face is like an impacted wisdom tooth cavity 

A painful condition they avoid at any price

They're laggardly about marital commitments

Often subordinating matrimony to becoming debt-free

Internet hormonal urge outlets are readily convenient

If they need chaste affection there's always mommy

The origin of Millennial narcissism is fairly obvious

After all, Boomers were nicknamed "Generation Me"

Having your kids surpass you in being vainglorious

Makes sense if you're an unrepentant hippy

So blame the Boomers, not the Millennials

For the latter's much-hyped societal frailties

Moms so plated them in emotional Armor All

They call 911 every time they sneeze