'a friend of mine' tells me how they feel on a regular basis so ima write them out here. and talk about other random stuff. im not really gonna set a main point because im gonna end up rolling away from it like i do in every situation ever lmao.
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Aight. So I talk about my friends all. the. time. Pretty much every day after school while school was still going i would tell my mom something i thought was funny or something that made me happy and it usually had something to do with them. Like maybe one of them got hurt and i thought it was funny or they were arguing about something really irrelevant. Or i would repeat a quote from the big book of quotes. I always wondered why it was called the big book of quotes when it was so tiny. But there were a crap ton of quotes. A lot of them came from my friends. Pretty much all of them actually. SOme of them were from teachers we liked or didn't like at all. A majority of the quotes needed context because they were made in school and if one of my guy friends said something quote-worthy then sticky-note--> (the owner of the book) <--would write it down. I liked it cuz a lot of them i remembered one of them saying, and it was kinda cool to read them and know where and when and why they said it. Like a very wholesome and memorable one was when one of them dropped a burrito and screeched. In the book the screech was *REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*. It was rlly funny but you'd have to be there to be as amused as we were. I miss them even tho i went skating w/ them not too long ago. Anyway, I talk about them all the time. Not too long ago i talked to this one nice lady we'll call ms. bird, i got a comment like 'why are you friends with those boys'. I was telling her how i get offended when they call me short so she was questioning why i stick around them if they try to put me down like that. I told her that they were only joking and the only reason they call me short is because i deny it. cuz im not. i'm a towering giant.. haha. me eyes r leaking. They joke and they give me labels and they call me a trap and they say i look like a boy at times and i'm okay with that because it gives me a sense of identity. A crap ton of ppl out there go through identity crisis's and i dunno what that feels like. All i have figured out is that the reason i kinda like them calling me names is cuz it makes me feel like my own person. I have an issue with being compared to my birth mom and it's been happening very frequently since shes trying to buy her way back into my life spoiling me and pretty much using my little sister as a bargaining chip. if i go over for two weeks this summer, a pro is that i'll get to spend a whole two weeks with my little sister. The con is i have to try my best not to be little miss awkward while shes throwing money at me and she's already won over my brother which is a pain because now he compares everything in the household he lives in now; the rules the way things work the way we function, what we eat, what we're allowed to do; he compares everything he has to what he could have with her. pain in the batootchie. after her neglectance and her stubborn attitude when it comes to taking responsibility for her actions i would never let her take us again. peeps always telling me not to dwell in the past when i talk about what she did but the fact is i'm not dwelling im learning. im piecing together pieces and trying to understand why she did those things. by understanding why maybe i can set up cautionary signs for my brother. he doesn't remember much so maybe i could explain it well enough for him to understand. idk. i love my friends. a lot. they're awesome. no homo. or hetero. my dad makes comments like 'you dress just like jessie(my birth mom)' and stuff like 'you have no sense of style just like ur mom did'. it pisses me off. i dont like being compared to girls in general because every single one of them left me and then tried coming back with an excuse. i do the same thing but i dont tolerate it from others. i am a frikin hypocrite and idrc cuz being a hypocrite isnt a bad thing. in most cases. some cases. idek. wateva. main idea of all this rubbish, i dont like being told im just like another person. and they compare me to other ppl sometimes just at least not her cuz they dont kno her so im harley. im harley instead of "the exact replica of her mom". I love them a lot. They're awesome. They have no idea. I have said this so many times. I miss them sooo much bro but its only been like 2 weeks since school ha been out and i saw them like the wednesday after school got out lmao. I hope we all stay friends til we die. I dont want it to be like that one quote that says 'many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart'. i dont want them to walk out of my life. i want them to stay. like really. i was soooo bad off before i met them. the more i hung out with them the more sane i felt. idk what that says about them hahahhahahahahA
i love them. dont leave me guys. please. i really love yall. no homo. or hetero. I'll always love u guys and i dunno if i'd be able to handle it if we unfriended each other irl which makes soooo much sense. i'm probably over reacting but i can't stress how much i love them. theres people who just say ily for the hell of it but i mean it man. theyre awesome. and they have no frikin idea. no other friends will ever be able to top them. now that i think about it, its fine if they leave. as long as theyre happy. they can do what they want. they cant escape me. ima write letters to each of them here on wattpad cuz none of them read my wattpad and only one knows it but he doesnt read my stuff so im safeee. aight rip to those friends of mine. love yall. ima post art and stuff at one point. idk when. but i shall.. soon.. i think...
