FixeD

Prologue:

I'm the type of girl that always do certain things or mostly I called it certain decision. I don't usually the type of girl that always jump into conclusion. I always think in a positive and negative way. All the things that I would always do I know the consequences that will might be happen.

When it comes to my study I always do my best. It's my way of thanking my mother to raise me well even though I know that she's going through worst things when my father left us and go with other woman. I ended up hating him, hating all the men. For damn sake he left me, us when I was 7, the worst part is I witness all of their argument.

I hear broken glass coming from our kitchen. I checked the clock 'it's too late for late dinner I think' I woke up because of the noise that I've heard. Since my curiousity kills me I check what is it.

"You are wasn't enough. I need more and remember I don't love you. I just marry you because you make yourself impregnant by me. That child is my biggest mistake. My biggest drunken mistake and I always regret it" he said while pointing upstairs.

I don't know what to feel I don't know what to react. I just witness how my father grip his hand in my mother's wrist while he's pinning her on the kitchen counter. All I can do is cry.

"I already told you not to marry me if you don't love me. I can raise my daughter without you." my mother says calmly while sobbing.

I can't take what my mother feels. She always tells me story how great is my fatther is even though I can see that when we are doing breakfast, lunch, dinner he always out. He always says excuses like he is busy and he needs to go to work and he have no time. And then he will leave a soft kiss to my cheek and forhead while he's ignoring my mother's presence. I always acting blind like I don't really know what's happening but I know what I knew. They're not okay.

"What?" he continue while laughing sarcasticly. He sigh. " You know what is your family is. And what they can do in order not to make you and your family name embarrassed." he says gritted his teeth.

"I can handle my family. I can explain it's not your fault to impregnant me. It's mine." 'why's my mother is so calm in this situation.' she's really into him. And I don't like the idea.

" For christ sake!!! They threatened me to ruin my life!!! Ruin the girl I love and it happened to be your bestfriend." he's really really mad. " and now that I know that christine is pregnant by my daughter all these years I want to make it up to them." he said that like Im just like a trash he could throw aways just like that. It hurts. It hurts like hell. My young heart feels that kind of pain already. My young self.

I'm sorry but please for your sake and for your daughter let me go." he ask calmly, calmly than before. " because if you don't let me go." he paused and stare directly into my mother eyes full of intensity. Threathening "I will ruin my relationship with your daughter and I will make her suffer" he says like I'm just nothing to him. Like he never claimed me.

" okay." my mother let a heavy sigh sign of surrender. " but please don't let my daughter see you and your family happy with you. she can't take it and I can't take her hurting the way you hurt me." she's crying hard really really hard. And I'm so shocked to find my mother kneels in front of my father like she's begging. My tears suddenly fall hard.  " please I'm begging you, yes I love you but now that I have my daughter she's erverything to me." she beg holding my father's hand. And I'm not surprise to the situation that my father jerk away his hand from my mother's grip. That's my cue to go upstairs. I cant bear seeing my mother that way. I loathe him. I really do.

That night ruin my childhood and my perfect meaning of family and love.

That made me of who I am now. People around me always call me a "bratty bitch", but I'm sure that I have a truefriend although I don't consider her as my friend in front of anyone also not to her,because I don't want to feel betrayed the way my mother feels but she is always at my side even though I always hurt her fellings by the word 'I don't consider you as my friend. No one does'

I go to clubbing yes, I drink alcohol yes. You can call me brat, bitch and whatsoever hurtful word to describe my attitude but I don't prefer calling me whore and slut, because I will never be belong to that group.

Many men try to get to me, but they end up embarrassed. They always end up hearing " I will never ever date a man that never ever certainly love by me so f^ck off"

Funny isn't because of my hatred to my father people around me suffer in my bratty bitch attitude.

No one can heal my broken soul. I stop believing what love seems to mean. My most priority for now is my mother only my mother. I don't care people that gives their care for me.

But

One day I wake up healed by a broken heart. How can I heal by his broken heart if I keep denying that he healed my broken soul?

What if one day I felt like he needs me. And he is not the other guys I know? What if I can see the version of a guy that I will never imagine he could be?

Can I Love a guy? Can I fall for a guy? A guy that I am disgusted of? What if his weakness makes me want him more? What if because of his weakness I realized that I slowly drowning by the thought that he is hurting and crying over a Girl that I am willing to defend? I always defend a girl but when I met him I felt like surreal. I felt like I'm dying to defend him? What could I do?