(girlxgirl) Not All Roses in Roselake

Chapter 7: I Wonder Why

Chapter 7 – I Wonder Why

I said yes. His parents were home. He snuck me into his room. We were making out like we did thousands of times before. But this time was different. Because I knew he wanted to go further. He began to unzip his pants and it sent me into a panic. I had given him blowjobs before so why was I so terrified now? Because he wasn't wanting a blowjob. He was wanting something more. He kissed me harder and harder. It wasn't gentle or soft or relaxing. It was so aggressive.

His hands were running all over me, he was kissing my chest, slightly pushing into me but, I didn't get a reaction from it. He began to take off my dress for me so then I was just in my underwear. And then he took off his shirt so then he was only in his pants. I should be so turned on right now right? I wasn't even sure if I was. It was all just so happening so fast. But finally he stopped kissing me for a second.

His hand wasn't going onto my boobs or butt or anywhere else. He was sliding his hand up on my neck. He was looking at me with those kind eyes of his too. "I wanna feel your pulse and see how nervous you are around me right now." He was trying to be sweet. He slid his hand up onto my neck just trying to feel my pulse. Oh no. I watched his hopeful expression turn into a confused one. He pressed a little harder into my neck touching all around. "Huh, that's weird. Your heart rate isn't that fast." "Huh. I wonder why." I took a deep breath in. For the first time in my life I knew why.

I got home really late that night. Maybe three or four in the morning. I snuck in. Everyone was asleep. Or so I thought so. Robbie was sitting up on the bed with the lights on and everything. ''Robbie! What are you doing up?" I was so worried. He's a little boy he should have been asleep so long ago! "Why are you coming home so late?" He seemed angry. Had his little arms crossed and everything. "Are Gunnar and Nico asleep?" He didn't answer my question.

"Why are you coming home so late?" He was pissed. "Look you'll understand when you're older ok? Now get to sleep. Why are you even up?" I was too tired for this. I was just getting into my sleep clothes. "I wanted to know when you would come home!" "Why do you care when I come home!" "Because mom didn't come home one night!"

Oh Robbie.

I rushed over and gave him a great big hug. "Robbie. I'm not mom. I'm not gonna end up like mom ok?" He rested into me. But didn't say anything. "You know mom wanted to come right? You know that? She would be here if she could." She died in the hospital that night. She said everything was fine with her cancer. Said she was just going in for some checkups that night. But she didn't come home in the morning. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you like that. I promise I'll tell you if I'm staying over somewhere or or or if I'm not coming until the morning ok? Ok? I'll tell you I promise ok? God, I love you so much." He didn't say a word. Not a sound But he nodded his head and that was enough for me.

I didn't realize how much I scared him. Or thought that I could scare him that much. I was so worried. I hadn't seen him so fragile like this. He never was. Not since that night. He was so young. To be perfectly honest, I didn't realize how much of mom he remembered. But apparently he did remember a lot about that night. I promised him I would tell if I was going to be out late or staying over somewhere. I promise I would do that. I truly promise.

That whole night had been something. And that something wasn't good. I felt guilty and sad and alone. I fucked up big time. I went into school on Monday morning quite solemn. "Hey Wes. Can we talk?" He was leaned up against the lockers. "Yeah." "Look, I'm so sorry about Saturday. Like I really am. I didn't mean to be mean or anything. I just totally panicked I just-" "No I was wrong to press you into something you aren't ready for. I get it."

"I'm just I'm sorry. Please don't be mad." "I'm not mad Lyss. I just think you're really beautiful and I wanted to be with you like that." "Thanks Wes." I gave him a hug. "I just don't want to lose you." Which was true I really didn't want to lose him. He was my best friend. "You're not gonna lose me. Ok? Sex isn't really that big of a deal." I felt even worse. He was such a good guy. "Look let's move on from this ok? Not feel uncomfortable about it because I have drama I wanna talk to you about." He chuckled. "Ok good. What's your drama?" I chuckled too.