Memphis Summer (ON HOLD)

Breathe Me In

                "You make me want more. And you make me scared."  ─ Breathe Me In - Candlebox

Oh shit.

Ohshit-ohshit-ohshit-ohshit.

What had I done?

I did not want, or expect, to wake up to Memphis sleeping right beside me. His body was pressed as close to me as possible, an arm wrapped around my waist and the other tucked beneath his head. As peaceful as he looked in the dappled morning light, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but panic.

The night before shouldn’t have happened.

I should have gone home.

Fractured memories slipped their way into my sleep addled brain. Memphis with his hands grasping my hips, the moans, all the ridiculous words that fell out of my mouth. 

Memphis praising me. 

Embarrassment washed through me as I recalled how much of an affect his approval had on me.

I needed to leave. Had to leave before I did something stupid, like wake him up and have that awkward morning after. With the gracefulness of a drunken ninja, I scooted away from Memphis. My naked back stuck to the cold metal of his van making the worst noises possible.

Jezzie poked her head around the side of the driver’s seat and gave me the doggy equivalent of a death glare. She was probably still upset that Memphis wouldn’t let her sleep between us.

She was the least of my worries, however. Getting away from Memphis and out of his van was mission critical. 

At the exact moment I freed myself from Memphis, his hand reached for me and he let out a small mumbling whine. The sound made my heart thud out of rhythm, fluttering at the sight of him searching for me.

Distance.

I needed distance from Memphis. The thought kept circling as I searched for my clothes. Jezzie gave up on the seat and took the spot next to him. Her eyes showing nothing but judgment.

“Don’t worry girl, I won’t take your daddy,” I whispered quietly to her while grabbing my shoes. “He’s all yours.”

She let out a huff of breath and nuzzled into Memphis’ side, her eyes daring me to change my mind. The silent claiming of Memphis didn’t go unnoticed. With one last look at Memphis I turned and exited the van. 

Distance.

So much distance that I forget the way he makes my heart pound and my head spin.

I walked my happy, slightly hungover ass to the office, praying that it would be open and that Walter was there. We had business to discuss. The morning light touched every tree, every slight hill, every pebble of Up The Creek’s campground. On a different day, I would have gloried in how beautiful the setting was. At the moment, all I could focus on was the dread I felt settling in my gut.

The one night stand, I could eventually overlook. What got me the most, was that I had shared my past with Memphis. He knew the biggest failure in my life. 

With luck, he would never get the chance to use this new knowledge against me. I just had to talk to Walter before the work day began.

***

“So you’re running away from him,” my mother clicked her tongue after the statement, bringing her coffee cup to her lips and eyeing me over the rim. Her dark brown eyes boring into mine. I could see the judgment, knew that she didn’t approve of my tactics.

“I’m not running, mom,” I groaned into my hands. “I’m just not going to back to work with Josh.”

Her response said more than words could. A slight lifting of her eyelids and a slow nod of her head, it was all she needed to do to let me know that she thought my plan was ignorant. “You’re running, Ellis, no matter what you say to make it sound like you aren’t. You are. It makes me wonder why. What is it about this Memphis that makes you so skittish?”

“Thanks for the ear and coffee, but I think I’m gonna head out and start looking for a different job. Never too early to start putting in applications. I hear the pizza delivery field is quiet competitive,” I went to rise, hoping to get away from answering her question. Talking about Memphis with her was a bad decision. Why I felt the need to share things with my mom, I will never know.

“Sit down, Ellis.”

I knew the tone. It was the one that instantly made your balls shrivel up, because you knew if you didn’t follow her command there would be hell to pay. With slumped shoulders, I slid into the dining chair, hoping that whatever she had to say wouldn’t be too unbearable to hear.

“Not every guy is going to be like Trent.” At his name, her lip curled and there was a spark of hatred in her eyes. “According to Josh-”

“You’ve been talking about Memphis with Josh,” I almost shouted, incredulous that they were talking behind my back. Shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it still bothered me. “You two are like two old biddies, swapping information about me. Swear to God, you two aren’t normal.”

She rolled her eyes and continued speaking, acting as if I hadn’t even interrupted her. “According to Josh, this Memphis guy is a keeper. Did you know he graduated with a Masters in Humanities? And is in the middle of opening up a counseling group for abuse survivors?”

...he what?

Not Stoney. He was smart, I knew that. But I just couldn’t put him in the position of someone that... responsible.

“It might do some good to let him in, Ellis.”

There was a stretch of silence between us while I tried to process what she had just told me. So many questions came to mind and all of them revolved around him. And my feelings. During my quiet contemplation, mom moved from her chair, picking up her coffee cup and pausing by me on her way to the kitchen.

“It doesn’t even have to be romantically, son. Just don’t push him away by being an ass.”

Moms, what can ya do with them.

Later that evening, in the solitude of my old bedroom, I thought about all the pros and cons of actually letting Memphis get close. Every thing inside of me said to do exactly what my mother warned me not to, but there was one small voice that kept telling me that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I just needed a sign on which voice to listen to.

And it came in the form of a phone call.