WildeHood: A Zootopia and Robin Hood Crossover

Chapter 1

"Boy, wonder why King Richie decided to have this little get together?" Little John plucked a blueberry from the bowl in front of him and threw it down his throat without chewing. "I know he's going off on a crusade and all, but this is a little much for a goin' away party, don't ya think?" His eyes flashed towards the platform at the far end of the room where the king would soon be standing. "He's either feelin' extra generous or feelin' extra guilty about something."

"You'll see," Robin replied, watching him take a pawful of berries from the bowl this time. "Johny, not until the king arrives!"

"Oh, I know that's the polite thing to do, Rob...er, since we're in such fine company, your lordship, but I've only ate-". He reached for the bowl again.

"Ooh, I don't want to hear the list. Just wait," Robin scalded as he swatted the bear's broad paw. This process continued a few times until the fox was on top of the table, playfully attempting to pry the bear's paw away from the food. Robin noticed a shadow of antlers was being cast across the wrinkled tablecloth, and glanced up to meet an obviously affluent moose a little too closely.

"Hello, Robin. Little John.", the moose greeted condescendingly, yet admirably articulately.

Robin casually propped his head up with his paw and swished his tail over to cover the mess he'd just made. "Hello, Harvey. Is there...something I can help you with?"

The moose carefully inspected the pair's clothing. "Well, no one told me we were to come dressed as leprechauns."

"You're lucky you were told to come at all," replied Robin, airily.

He sighed, maintaining his demeanor. "On the subject of insipid clothing, I do believe I have something of yours." He reached into his pocket, pulled out an elegant red feather, and held it gingerly between his pointer and middle fingers.

Robin's eyes grew to the size of apples. It was identical to the one on his head now. Fancy that.

"This was in my house this morning, and...something else wasn't. Do you know what that thing was, Mr. Robin?"

He continued to stare blankly into the moose's face. Never had he felt so naked. Well, metaphorically naked.

"I'm not the only one, am I? You dirty little thief. Typical fox behavior."

"I-"

Harvey pounded the table. "This is the antithesis of acceptable!"

Robin crossed his arms in disinterest. "I'm not going to pretend I know what that word means, but the way it sounds reminds me of you. Big, fancy, and time consuming. Nothing but a bauble, really." He reached up, knees on the table, and flicked Harvey's antlers. "You would make a very nice chandelier."

"I don't know what you've been reduced to consuming out in the Sherwood to believe you could talk back to me as such, but I am a gracious chandelier. After all, I wouldn't want to send our beloved king off on the note that his most trusted lord and companion was caught stealing the increased amount of taxes that he ordered me to collect. I'm going to give you until this time next week to return every single coin you stole from me. If not...you're going to be...hanging around with the sheriff for awhile." He crumpled the feather and threw it in Robin's face, then disappeared into the crowd.

"What a laugh, that guy." Robin squirmed into his 'signature sleeping pose'. He propped his feet on the table, leaned back in his chair, and put his hands behind his head.

"Rob...I'm really starting to doubt this whole thing. Er, continuing to doubt it anyways."

"Johny, we're the only hope most of the people here have! I'm not the thief: he is. If stealing what's already been stolen in order to unsteal it makes me a bad person, then let the sheriff get me!"