Lucky I Showed Up

Oneshot

The tile floor was cold underneath Evan's back,but he didn't want to get up. Staring at the ceiling,he let out a sigh. There was a clock on the wall, but it was two minutes behind. It ticked away in his peripheral. The water in the faucet dripped slowly. How long have i been lying here? He thought to himself,curiously. Two hours? Three? He was unsure. He didn't care that much though. His recently un-casted right arm felt...strange. It felt out of place to be able to move it again. He stretched it out upwards,watching his ability to rock his wrist back and forth. Another thing he noticed was the faint tan line that stopped about at his elbow. Just another reminder of the cast that was once there. You failed. Again. His mind shot at him. Connor and Jared are right. You're gonna have to tell your mom eventually. It said again. It was right. His two friends had been asking about that ever since they found out how he broke his arm. Connor said he should just tell her,like he did to his mom when Evan discovered him trying to overdose. Jared said he should wait for a good time,and let it on her slowly. The last thing he wanted was her to feel like it was her fault. Cause it's not her fault. It's your fault. It's always your fault. He thought to himself,sharply. Thinking about Connor made him let out a short,lonely sigh. He and his family were out of town for the week,and man,did he miss him. He had Jared,but...Connor was...Different. Connor probably thinks it was his fault. He suddenly thought. He sat up in panic,that realization slowly settling in as a real possibility. Connor used to bully Evan. Sure,they were friends now,but...There's no taking back the past. An even more horrifying realization he had next was that it partially was Connor's fault. One of the reasons was because he didn't fit in. And one of the people who had made sure he knew that was Connor. He must hate how oblivious you are to him. Of course he'd think that. How stupid that you didn't think of it before. Do you even care? He started hyperventilating. He really hadn't thought about that. Did Connor even like him? Were they even friends? Did he just feel obligated to hang out with him? What if Jared doesn't even like him either? What if it was just because his parents knew each other in middle school? Panic was surging through his system. You don't really have any friends. The voice in his head said,matter-of-factly. They all hate you. It said again. His phone buzzed in his pocket,but he was too panicked to notice. He suddenly felt his eyes drawn to a shine on the bathroom counter next to him. Slowly looking at it,he discovered it was a long,hair cutting razor,with a purple handle. It was his mom's. His eyes were dazzled by it's brilliant gleam in the fluorescent lighting. It was almost glowing.

It looked exceptionally sharp.

...And very tempting.

...Slowly,and shakily,he reached out for it. Getting his hand around the handle,he just held it for a moment,studying it's bright shine and smooth blade. ...Go on.

It's not like anyone will care anyway. He looked at it for a second. After a long moment of thought,he moved it over and gently pressed it against the pale surface of his right forearm,right below his wrist. He was almost frightened at how fast the warmth of his blood seeped up around the edge. He pulled it back fast,hissing in pain. His vision blurred for a moment at the sight of his own blood. He hesitated,then did it again. It was easier the second time. And the third. And the fourth. This isn't that hard. He thought.

...I could get used to this. He thought with alarm. This is kind of easy.

...I could try again. He thought,absently. He was startled out of his thoughts when the front door opened.

--------

Jared wasn't a lonely guy. He could do a lot of things to entertain himself. Watch anime,read every magazine in his house again, watch porn and judge the filming,etc. So he wasn't particularly sure why he was walking to Evan's house. Maybe he just wanted the company of another person,considering his parents weren't home. He let out a bitter chuckle at that thought. My parents are never home. They haven't been home since sophomore year. He sighed. He approached the familiar door. Heidi's car wasn't in the driveway, so he guessed she wasn't home. Perfect. He thought with a laugh.