feather

the Truth.

There was a group of students this time, standing outside of the building, anxiously staring at the boy at the top. It was Matthew. Last time he'd tried to kill himself it was early in the morning during the summer, before anybody was at school, to "spare the other people from being traumatized". I'd saved him then. I'd taken the fall for him.

This time, he didn't even care. He stood at the edge of the building, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. The clouds behind him formed a sort of dark halo as he stood there with his hands at his side, seemingly at peace. Police offciers and an ambulance sat by the edge of the curb, with government officials speaking into their walkie-talkies with their bored eyes.

"Oh my hell," Delia ran towards me, her mascara running down her face. Her face was red in hysterics and her hair was out of place. "I didn't think he-"

"This is what happens when you bully people," I spat, shoving her aside. "Matthew needs me, so get the fuck out of my way." I made a beeline towards the stairwell, skipping steps to climb up the three floors to get to the top.

A middle-aged police officer stationed by the stairwell exit stopped me when I got to the roof exit. "Miss, I'm afraid you can't go out there."

"I. Don't. Care," I enunciated each of the words, and then pushed him out of the way. "That's my best friend, and there's nothing in the world you can do that would be even the slightest bit helpful."

He stared at me, and I rolled my eyes and pushed the roof access door open, carefully walking towards Matthew.

"Don't come any closer, I don't want to talk to anyone," Matthew said evenly, not bothering to look back to see who was behind him. "I'm just enjoying the view for a bit."

"Matthew, It's Jamie," I said softly, giving him a smile. "Remember, you said you wouldn't try something like this again? It's only been five months."

"Jamie?" Matthew asked, turning around and giving me a sad smirk. "So you came back? I heard you and Taylor got back together."

"You shouldn't care," I told him, giving him a slight smile and inching closer. "Five months, Matthew. You said you wouldn't try again."

He looked at me guiltily, and said, "I tried really hard, but there's nothing I can do to get out of this. My mother doesn't have the time or money to deal with my complaining and my medications, and she doesn't need me. I'm never going to get that soccer scholarship because I have extra needs, and Delia and everyone on the team and everybody knows I'm a freak," he shut his eyes and took a deep breath before letting it out and he just looked at me with his blue eyes and they gleamed and churned like dark ocean waves and for a moment all I could think about were those eyes because they had always been so beautiful.

"Sorry you had to go to the mental hospital because of me. Sorry for making you take the blame for my craziness," he apologized without looking at me. "Sorry I'm saying all these things now when I should have said them so long ago." 

"No, no, Matthew!" I said, taking another step forward. "I'd do anything for you. It wasn't even that bad. They gave me plum pudding and there was bingo on Friday nights and one of the nurses even gave me free bananas. No, Matthew, it's not your fault, you're okay, it's all my fault and please don't leave me here to do this alone, I can't—"

He turned around and gave me another smirk, this one happy. "You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for, Jamie, you know that? There was nothing you could do, just remember that. I love you. Jamie Reddington, I love you more than anything else in this shitty, crappy world and I'm not sorry."

Then his eyes flashed back to their stormy gray and he stepped backwards off the building.

I couldn't look over the edge, because I didn't want to see Matthew's broken and bloody body in an awkward position like a wooden doll. The warm tears slid down my cheeks and I fell to my knees and started bawling for all I was worth like a beluga whale and I cried and I cried and I kept waiting for Matthew to come and let me hug him and we could watch Death Hallows Two together because he liked to laugh at me whenever I got scared by the Death Eaters and I would complain to him how he needed to gain weight so that he could make a better pillow and Matthew would laugh at me more because we were best friends and that's what best friends would do to each other and they would laugh and tell funny stories and make bets and cry with each other.

But for the first time Matthew wasn't there and for once I had no shoulder to cry on.