Given Up

Chapter 45

I fidgeted in the seat, eyeing the building from the car.

"You don't have to do this, you know?"

I looked over at Scott, his muscular arm flexing as he tightened and loosened his grip on the steering wheel.

"I know." 

"Want me to come in with you?  I could talk—"

"No, thanks.  I'll be okay." I cut him off.  This was something I had to do alone. I looked down at my watch.  "Damn, I am late."

I quickly climbed out, but then stuck my head back in the door.  "You will pick me up though, yeah?"

He gave me a warm smile that countered my anxiety.  "Of course, Bud."

My palms - and honestly, my underarms - were sweating as I pulled the door open to the building and made my way to the door.  I didn't hesitate to open it.  I knew if I did I would bail.  I could hear his voice as I bowed, threw my bag to the side and knelt down on the edge of the mat. 

"Brown belts and above, remember to help the lower grades when we..."

I guess that was the moment he spotted me. 

"Um, into lines Kyle."

I looked up briefly as I jumped up, the look of surprise on his face matching his tone.  I jogged to the end of the line; purposely not looking toward the faces of my friends as I did so. 

"Jax - start the warm up please." 

"Osu Sensei." I heard him call as I looked straight ahead.  "Everyone spread out: jogging on the spot."

My body ached as I started pumping my legs; not used to the exercise anymore.

"Kyle, stop."  Sensei stopped in front of me:  his face like thunder.  I thought he would be happy I had come back.  Oh no, maybe I should have rang him and asked?  Maybe too much had gone on and he didn't want me back. 

"What is the meaning of this?"  He tapped the knot of my belt, causing the ends to swing.

I looked down at the white belt.  I had missed so much training that I wasn't sure I had the right to come back in my black belt.  He had always drilled into us the importance of keeping up your training once you had achieved it.  Getting a black belt was just the beginning.

"I have missed a lot of training so..." He held his hand up, stopping me speaking.

"Do you have your black belt here?"

I nodded.

"Go get it."

Everyone had stopped jogging and was watching our exchange surreptitiously as they stretched.  I passed them all and grabbed it out of my bag, hurrying back to him.  He undid the white belt roughly and dropped it on the ground, before taking the belt off me and tying it around my waist tightly. 

"There, that's better."  He ruffled my hair and let out a smile.  It was infectious and soon the whole dojo was doing the same. I let out a breath. I wasn't sure if coming back was the right thing to do; but I wanted to try at least. Knowing I had the support of everyone here made it feel like the home it always was for me.

"Right then, let's get to it.  Back to lines."

"Welcome back brother," said Jax, as he and Drew bumped shoulders with me, not hiding their widest grins, as we walked to the other end of the line and stood together.

"One more thing Kyle..."  Sensei Max's voice rose over to me and I didn't lessen my face-aching grin as I looked over to him.  He clapped his hands together, a mischievous look running over his face.  "You were late.  Drop and give me 20."

               
The End.

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A/N:

Thank you to everyone who has read all the way to the end.  It has certainly been a journey.  I can't say enough how much I appreciate all the support from those who read.  As always, please comment and let me know what you think of the book.  I live for feedback - literally, I am that needy ;-) - and appreciate hearing your thoughts about the story.

There have been some tough themes covered in this book.  Some scenes have been hard to write. 
If you have been struggling with grief , depression or suicidal feelings, then please reach out for help.  Friends, family, teachers, Counsellors, helplines etc!   Don't struggle alone, because you aren't.   There are some fab resources out there including:  Samaritans:  Samaritans.or or call 116-123 (if you are in the UK).  If you are in the USA, try the Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 1-800-273-TALK.

If you are a young person who is in the position that Diego was, please find someone to talk to about it or contact Childline on https://www.childline.org.uk or call 0800 1111 (if you are in the UK.) In the USA, try 800-799-SAFE.  There is help out there for you.

Love to you all, T x

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