destined [h.s] - ON HOLD

8

His eyes check our surroundings erotically, and place my hand on his forearm to calm him down. He looks at me with such intensity I, "are you sure you saw someone? Because the doctor said-"

"Yes I'm fucking sure! Why would I lie about this shit?" Harry yells, cutting me off completely. I'm sure people around us are staring, and I try my best to get him to relax.

"I never said you were lying, I just want to make sure you aren't imagining something that isn't there." I explain, remembering what the doctors told us.

Harry's fists clench tightly as he continues to look around us, "he's over at the entrance to the snake exhibit."

When I look where he's instructed me to I can't help but feel pity for him when there is no one there, "are you sure he was there because I don't see anyone."

Harry seems confused when I turn back to study him, "I swear to you someone was there, he was dressed just like one of Nikolai's guys."

I sigh, "I believe you. Maybe we should get out of here." Harry nods as I stand, and we hurriedly make our way through the crowd of people at the zoo. Once we are out the gates and almost to the car Harry seems to become more relaxed, unlocking the car and rounding the vehicle to get into the drivers seat.

As I open the door and sit inside I can't help but be worried by the state of my fiancé, this isn't the first occasion that he's seen someone and has become fearful of them. After begging him to go to the doctors a few years ago they chalked it up to post traumatic stress disorder, giving him medication which he then never decided to take.

Personally I think it's full blown paranoia, something that is understandable for what he went through with Nikolai. For the most part he's gotten through all of it well, and that's what I hang onto when I see him have scenarios like this.

"You're thinking all doctor right now, aren't you." Harry says more as a statement than anything, stone set in his features when I turn to look at him.

"I can't help but be worried about you, these things aren't," I can't seem to finish my statement, regretting even starting it.

"Normal," he finishes for me. "I killed a man Leah, I don't think I'll ever able to be really normal ever again, but I can try my best to be for you." He says earnestly, and I know that he's telling the truth.

"Then take your medication and go to therapy, that's all I'm asking of you." I say, continuing the ongoing debate we've had for years now.

He only sighs, "that medicine makes me not feel like myself, and I hate talking to some doctor who is only paid to sit there and listen to me. All they do is nod and then try to come up with some bullshit as to why I'm feeling that way."

"You and I both know that talking to someone can be helpful, a third party could really help you Harry and you never even want to consider it."

"I don't want to talk about this right now." He says, tone clipped as his hands grip the steering wheel tightly.

I can't help but be slightly annoyed by him, turning up the radio to drown out the silence between us. Sometimes I wish he wasn't so stubborn, but at the same time I am as well. It's just difficult to see these things from the outside and not have him allowing me to help whatsoever.

The rest of the car ride home is practically silent, and Harry immediately goes up to our bedroom as soon as we cross the threshold. I go to let Augustus out of his cage, taking him outside for a few minutes. The downstairs is empty when I come back, apparently someone being too fed up to come downstairs.

Instead of allow Harry to dampen my mood I take out my cellphone and call one of the only people I trust, Casey. She picks up on the third ring, sounds of children in the background.

"Is this a bad time?" I ask her, not wanting to interrupt whatever she's doing.

"No not at all, Liam is making a fort with the kids," she says. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight for a few drinks, Harry just bought this amazing whine and I need someone to talk to."

"Hold on." I can hear her covering the speaker, "you're going to watch the kids tonight Liam."

I laugh at the way she orders him, acting like a true married couple. After a few seconds she comes back, "I'll be over around eight, sound good?"

I tell her that's fine before saying our goodbyes and hanging up, taking a deep breath. I feel bad having someone over while Harry is in such a foul mood, but at the same time I need to talk to somebody about this and it can't be to him.

The creek of the floorboards let's me know he's coming downstairs, and the heavier his footsteps the closer he becomes. I look up as he walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge before getting out orange juice and pouring it into a clean glass.

"Casey will be coming over tonight, hope you don't mind." I say loud enough for him to hear me, watching as he nods his head ghostly.

"I was thinking about going to the gym anyway so that's good." He says, drinking the whole glass of orange juice before walking out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

The tension between us seems to be growing since the earlier car ride, something that I can't tell if is more of my fault or his. Either way it's clearly felt by both sides, and I absolutely hate it.

Sure, Harry and I have had small quarrels like any other couple but this one has been going for years, and I'm tired of it. Having someone close to you not wanting help is the worst thing to go through, something I've had going on for awhile now.

Hopefully tonight Casey will be able to help me figure all of this out, and then maybe I will be able to help Harry seeming as he's too stubborn to do it himself.

________________________

Do you sit in a pile of sugar?

Cause you have a pretty sweet ass

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-jo