The Thief and the Barbarian

The Thief

"Who keeps stealing my stuff?!" The Grand Wizard King slammed his fist on the table that held a map of Kupa Keep. He pointed to each area in succession. "First, my armory gets raided, then my food stock, and now the bastard is stealing my gold?! The fuck is this?!"

"Cartman, calm down. It's not that big a deal. You have plenty of gold." The High Jew Elf King responded calmly.

"You shut your goddamn Jew mouth, Kyle! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were the one doing it! You'd just love to get your greedy Jew hands on it, wouldn't you?!"

"Why would I need your stupid gold when I have my own kingdom, fatass?!" Before Cartman could shoot back a biting response, Butters rushed in, panting.

"My king, the thief has returned and stole one of the horses!" He gasped between breaths. Cartman's eyes went ablaze.

"Are you fucking serious right now?!" He yelled. "Is he still here?! I'll fucking kill him!"

"I don't know, I immediately came to get you!" Butters reasoned nervously.

"Fucking useless!" Cartman barked as he stormed out of the castle. Kyle began walking out as well, but stopped to put a hand on Butters' shoulder. "Man the gates, paladin. If he's still here, maybe we can keep him from escaping."

"Y-yes, sir!" Butters ran out, followed by Kyle. The elf king looked around until he spotted Cartman throwing a tantrum near the stables.

"Not only did he take a horse, he took my favorite one! The fuck?!" He screamed. Kyle rolled his eyes and was about to go out to him when he suddenly fell backwards after nearly being run down by a horse that flew past. He watched as it ran buy, seeing someone on its back. The person was wearing a cloak and a hat, so he couldn't see who it was, but whoever it was, he should've known better than to mess with the Grand Wizard Fatfuck. While Cartman himself is relatively harmless, he does have a lot of dominion over many, and a sort of fear-respect from many others. Kyle sighed and stood, brushing himself off. Cartman kept running, trying to cut off the horse, but he was too slow. The elf king didn't bother. There was no catching this guy on horseback. And why should he care anyway? This wasn't his kingdom.

He watched from afar as Butters began closing the gates. Cartman glared at him and, instead of helping like a sensible person, he just screamed at him to do it faster. Poor Butters. Kyle crossed his arms and leaned against the castle wall as he watched the futile display. As they were lowering the steel gate, the guy on horseback stopped fooling around and made a beeline for it.

"No, no, no!" Cartman shouted. "You're not getting out of here! I'll have your head!" He waved his wooden staff in the air before pointing it at the boy, trying not to hit his prize horse. A blue, glowing beam shot out, but since his target was moving so fast, he couldn't quite land it. Beam after beam, he missed until the boy pressed himself against the horses back and flew through the gate with a hair's distance between the sharp spokes of the gate and his back. "FUCK!" Cartman screamed as he grabbed the gate and began shaking it violently. Kyle shook his head and tsked at the sight. The boy on horseback looked back to see the Grand Wizard King screaming at and beating up on his poor paladin.

"Hmph..." He responded with as he looked forward and disappeared into the distance.