A Thousand Years- Snowbarry Soulmate AU

Chapter 4

Another week passed and Barry found himself more and more pained with each day that passed. It was hard to keep on going when he was feeling so hopeless. What point is there in this life without a soulmate? He had been taught all his life that having and being someone's soulmate is life's purpose, life's ultimate goal. But what purpose could he have when he lived a life which didn't include Caitlin.

Clearly, they were right after all. Because even though he felt hopeless, he knew that it was not his hopelessness that was leading him down a path of nihilism and an existential crisis. In reality, he was simply living the life that was meant for him. Even if he didn't know whether he was unrequited or not, he did know he was living a life without a soulmate even though he knew who she was. That's not what The Evergreen wanted for mankind, that's why the unrequited always die of heartbreak. Not because The Evergreen is cruel but because they had no purpose in life without a soul bound to theirs.

Barry knew he was getting worse and worse. It was with that realisation that another came. If he did have the courage to tell her, he couldn't possibly lose any more than he already had. If she rejected him and he was unrequited like he now strongly believed then he still would not be with her and that's no different from his current situation. And if he died from heartbreak... well, anything, including death, would be better than this nightmare. At least he would know for certain, he wouldn't have to live in the dark anymore. He might have some chance of clarity rather than falling into a murky pool of nihilism and depression.

Surprisingly though despite losing all his will to... well, to do anything, he still studied hard. Even he found it a little odd but he was glad that his thirst for knowledge and passion for science hadn't abandoned him like all his other previous personality traits. Studying was a kind of solace for him. He was still shrouded in love and pain for Caitlin during it but at least he could focus his mind on something. 

But he also knew that it wouldn't last forever. There will be a time where nothing not even the escapism of his books will comfort him. He had to do something and at this point, he had nothing else to lose. 

Barry wasn't going to approach her and tell her that she's his soulmate though. No... he hadn't the courage for that. No matter how depressed he became, he wouldn't ever be able to become that apathetic. He'd thought it over enough times and mulled over his own plan... one that meant that he wouldn't have to tell her anything at all... Just show her. 

He devised that he would approach her somehow and have his soulmate mark on display but definitely not his identification mark. It would be in plain view of her so she could easily see it and if she recognised it then it must be on her wrist too. He knew it was a sneaky plan but after all his years hiding away in the background he had become quite good at reading people and their body language. It would be easy enough for him to figure out.

So the next day, Barry put on his bravest face and set out to find her. Although he couldn't locate her before his first lecture, later on, they had Soulmate Science and luckily they were working in pairs. He asked Professor Michaels to pair them together, promising to explain why another time and sat next to her, reeling with nerves. But he put them aside and took a deep breath, rolling up the sleeve of his sweater so his right wrist was visible. 

They sat opposite each other and while they were barely speaking to each other, it did rather hurt to see her ignore him completely, they did have to compare notes. This meant her eyes were constantly flicking between the two of them and so her eyes would have to naturally meet his mark at some point. 

Barry did his best not to stare her way as he tried to analyse her body language to see whether she'd noticed yet whilst also trying not to be totally mesmerised by her beauty. His heart couldn't stop pounding and he could feel his mark tingling again.  All he wanted to do was lean forward over the table and kiss her soft pink lips- they looked like heaven and he could hardly concentrate with her right next to him. By The Evergreen, she drove him mad. 

His heart leapt forward as he noticed her eyes on his wrist. Taking a deep breath, he followed her line of sight to her eyes to see her reaction. Her face... completely normal. She had no sign of recognition... complete indifference. Then her eyes moved back towards the page as if nothing had happened at all. 

His heart broke. 

She... he was... they would never... they could never...

Barry had been right all along... She wasn't his. They were not destined for each other, he might have been meant for her but she... she was meant for someone else. Not him, never him...

As the heartbreak dawned on him, he tried to stay calm though he could feel that he'd gone deadly pale. He didn't want to let out the slightest sound, show the smallest inkling of his pain nor his love. Being near her was still so intoxicating. A part of him had hoped, deep down, that if he did turn out to be right about being unrequited then his feelings for her would just go away once he found out for sure. That he would know and he would feel totally okay. 

But he didn't. Not at all.

For the rest of the class, he fell into a daze not sure what he was going to do now though he wasn't sure it had truly dawned on him yet the truth of the situation. Despite all the time he had to prepare himself for it, he still couldn't quite believe it. As he left the room, a slight stumble in his step, he felt his heart constricting with each step he took. Then even as he saw her, leaning against the far wall with Ronnie's arms around her, kissing her as she giggled happily, it grew even more painful. 

At that moment he knew for sure what he had feared all along was true. She wouldn't and couldn't ever love him the way he wanted. He would never know her smile, her laugh, her kiss... that dream would never be his. She would move on with her life and never know how much he loved her while he wasted away miserable existence loving her unconditionally because he didn't know anything else. Loving Caitlin Snow was quite literally what Barry Allen was made for, what else could he do?

That was when he felt it. The hopelessness and heartbreak forming disgusting bile in his throat. It was pulsing throughout his entire body like a plague, making his skin crawl. His head began to feel as light as a helium balloon as the whole universe around him began to spin. His eyes though were still fixed upon her, her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips on his. Then a sudden pain in his mark shooting through his skin like a million needles all pressing into that point. The pain grew more and more intense until he cried out, clutching his right wrist as his soulmate mark began to burn like a glowing poker. 

He fell to the floor as other's swiftly turned to look at him. There were gasps and other students calling for help. Though not a single one knew who he was nor his name as he collapsed onto the floor and passed out. 

Even Caitlin stopped to look, recognising him from earlier but even she could not remember the name that Professor Michael's had called when she was paired with him. Though she still rushed to help with many other's, running to Professor Michael's to get his help. It did look like a problem with his mark, after all, the way he was clutching at his wrist. Her heart squeezed in sympathy for the stranger, he looked like he was in a lot of pain. 

Caitlin thought all of this to herself not realising that it was her herself that had caused him all that pain even if she didn't mean to. Even though she had no idea that she was even doing it. But, of course, how was she to know? She had no idea who this boy even was let alone what had caused him so much harm and torment.