Happy the Gay Clown

Clowning Around ;)

Happy walked away from his father's funeral back to his apartment with his head hung low and thought about his life decisions. Why am the most forgotten one? Why couldn't I have the same amount of love Biff had? Why did I keep so many secrets from everyone I love?

At that last question, he stopped in his tracks. The secrets are what kept us together as a family and didn't destroy us.

With this thought and his shoulders heavy, he found his way back to his home. He watched all the families with their kids, the young couples, and all the animals. He eventually reached his building, climbed up to the third floor, and entered his apartment. He walked to his makeshift bar and pulled out the whiskey and poured himself a shot. He took it and sat down on his couch and let out a sob, while covering his face.

I should have just told him the truth. Happy looks at the photo set to his left, hanging on the wall and he hears keys in the lock. The person entering Happy's apartment immediately brightened his mood as he anticipated his love's approach coming inside.

"Bill!" Happy said as he ran to the door and hugged him tight. Yes, that's right, Happy and Bill Oliver, successful businessman, are in love. Two men in the business career in the 1940s who are gay. He turned down Biff's idea because of the conflict of interest. He pretended he didn't know Biff, because he's heard so many stories from Happy.

"I'm so sorry about your father, I know it's been tough on you and that I haven't been here for you and that's my fault and I feel horrible for that." Bill said to Happy. Happy pushed Bill away so he can look him in the eyes.

"How can I be mad when I know how tedious our situation is? Our lifestyle is not seen as acceptable so we can't be seen together every waking moment. It's okay, really." Happy gave his signature lopsided grin and saw a flash of sadness cover Bill's eyes to then be replaced by a loving stare. Bill kissed Happy and pulled away to say "thank you" as he leans his forehead on Happy's.

Happy pulls Bill to the couch and Bill puts his arm around him. They sit comfortably for awhile, until Happy sighs. Bill turns to face him.

"What's wrong?"

"I should have told my dad."

"About what?" Bill asks, confused.

"Being gay, us, everything! Now I'll never get the chance."

Bill widens his eyes and stares in silence, as a tear slips down Happy's cheek.

"You don't know how much that would hurt us," Bill says quietly. "We aren't meant to exist in this society, therefore we can't tell anyone at all. Nobody. Only we can know about us. No offense, but from what you've told me about your father, it's obvious you just would have been shunned. He wouldn't accept anything but what society deems correct. He was your average salesman."

Happy stays silent. The tension has grown thick in the room and they both avoid each other's eyes.

"I think you should go." Happy says while looking the other direction.

"Are you sure? Because I'm not doing anything tonight and-"

"Go. Now." The words fall out of Happy's mouth through clenched teeth, feeling like venom.

Bill's eyes fill with hurt as he gets up and heads to the door. He takes one last glance at Happy and exits the apartment.

Happy starts to sob uncontrollably, wondering how his life could have gotten to this point and why accepting himself was such a hard thing to overcome. He thought about every time he felt ignored and left behind by his father and felt anger pulsate in his veins. He got up back to his bar, grabbed the half empty bottle of vodka, and took a sip, letting the bitter taste and feeling burn his throat. He keeps drinking until it's empty and feels his anger strengthen at everyone in his life. He feels all the overwhelming feelings of hatred for himself and thought of Bill's face. How he could never have the life everyone dreams to have with their love. He clenches the bottle tighter. He sees his father disapproving of Biff, while also overlooking his accomplishments. He sees the ideal happiness that Happy will never have. He lets out a scream and throws the bottle at the wall, watching it shatter and fall to the ground. He has tears on his face and slowly slides down to the ground and covers his face.