Habitual Healing [Soonhoon]

Healing 28

A blare within the dark room rung throughout the room and blonde has been awake. The night restlessly keeping him up, only shutting his eyes for moments before he is wide awake, again. He could feel the presence of his lover, however the raven-head seemed distant. The two sleeping far sides of the bed as though it is the fair amount of space given to each other. Supposedly, it is but Jihoon wanted to reach out to be held by his lover's embrace. 

However, the two distanced themselves until they collect themselves. 

Jihoon kept his eyes shut, feeling his lover's presence falter as he left the blonde alone on the shared bed. He wanted to let the deep sigh escape his lips, as though the pain within his chest will flake away however it only worsened. There is no words to express at the moment, and it may be because of his tired mind not registering any words to describe how he felt. Or how he could fix this situation. 

This situation felt all too familiar from before, a event that happens many times before and Jihoon knew that Soonyoung is as broken as him. At this very moment, the two's reflection shattered because of each other. It was complicated. Jihoon never understood why love had to be so painful, yet so addicting. How can they fix this? 

Why is this so complicated? 

Maybe it is his little inexperienced mind, but he knew damn well that there is a huge complication between the two. He knew because he is the problem. He is the one with the worse problems, in comparison, Jihoon is not normal. His own brain damaged and psychologically abused, his own mind is scarred and filled with trauma. It is something he can not control nor can he run away from. He knows that these type of things is what it is, but it does make him realize who he is.

Who he is to everyone else. 

Everyone feared him because they had grown afraid to hurt the boy with a damaged brain from all the psychological abuse. Everyone feared him because they had grown afraid of the boy that may have committed murder to serve his own justice by letting insanity take over. 

He is the animal that everyone feared. 

Soonyoung had finished cleaning up his face, not exactly looking like he left the bed and returned back to the shared bed. Looking over at the blonde through the dimly lit room, he leaned over to place a tender kiss on the top of the blonde's head. Fingers that Jihoon loved, ran through his blonde strands and Soonyoung looked down to his lover with a smile. A miserable smile, but Soonyoung pulled away slowly. 

As much as he wanted to stay in bed, he needed space to think. He wished he didn't have to let his touch go too early, but he will have to leave to occupy himself with his own thoughts. Thoughts of his own guilt, but he will find a resolution. For the two of them, he will find a solution. 

It happens. The ones closest are always the ones to get easily hurt. 

Leaving the room quietly, the blonde's eyes finally opened his eyes to watch the bedroom door softly click. Turning his head, he read the bright, bold numbers. It was far too early to be awake, too early for the raven-head to be awake. However, it seems like other needs the longest time to think and Jihoon completely understands. If 6 in the morning helps him, he will let him be. 

Despite the earliness within the morning, a coldness overtaken him and goosebumps grew onto his pale skin. A deep sigh escaped his lips, hoping that the pain will flake away, however it remained weighted. He wish he could let this feeling go, however he couldn't. It was pain. Painfully breathing and letting his own heart beat, he hates how this pain wants him to drop dead. This unfair pain. 

Being under the cotton blankets, his own sense of touch could not focus on the warmth that surrounded him comfortably. He only thought deeply, staring up at the ceiling as he let his own calm, yet suffocated breaths escaping from him. This suffocating pain will slowly kill him, or maybe he's been dead.