I am scared. I am scared of many things. Little things. I am scared of doing something wrong. I am scared of saying something that will make me sound and look stupid. I am scared of being myself. I am like a painting that I'm constantly painting over to make me more perfect. Every time I ask myself: "Am I stupid? To be like others want me to be?" I adjust myself, play a role. Like an actor in a play. I always ask how it is to be actually happy. But I am scared. I am scared to talk about my problems. I am scared to show who I really am. I often stay quiet, and why? Because I'm scared. I am scared to show my emotions. I am scared that I may bother or hurt others.
And then they try to make me feel better. They say it's not bad to be shy. It's only my imagination. An imagination that will go away when I'm older.
But I am still scared. Not of what I do, but of what happens afterwards. Because sometimes someone looks annoyed and whispers. Whispers something about me. About my fear, that is always visible. Because it's not just my imagination. It is there. Creeping inside me, like a shadow. Trying to break free. Trying to win. And that is what I am most scared of. I am scared of letting my fears win and destroying me even more.
