Divine Affinity

Brave

Aasmaa's POV

The past few weeks have been like a dream. Rayhaan has been amazing. From dinners at lovely restaurants to midnight conversations, he has truly become my best friend. Every time we got a little close though, he seemed to take a step back. I think I do love him, actually, I know I do, but how can I tell him that without knowing how he feels? It's killing me that I don't know if he loves me or simply cares about me... Thinking like a psychologist,  I know that in order for one to think about the future, one was work through the past. Rayhaan was still engulfed in a pit of guilt and I, being my meddling self, was going to do something to help.

I spent the afternoon playing chess with my father in law. He was so very patient with me each time I confirmed whether the bishop was the "pointy" piece. I loved spending time with them though it painfully reminded me of my mum and dad. I spoke to my mum quite often over the phone but gosh... I missed her comforting embrace.

Rayhaan set at the other end of the room. I could feel his eyes on me as I made my next ameture chess move. He knew that I knew, he knew his stare sent shivers down my spine, he smiled knowing that.

"Okay Abba you win. What can I give you as a prize? " I asked, accepting defeat. My loveable father-in-law smiled. "I just want you to always be my daughter... but I'll take some of your coconut cake too." I laughed out and replied, "It's a deal."

That night, I was re-reading Danielle Steel's delightful "The Promise", when my book was suddenly pulled away and Rayhaan's hands took mine. "Hey! I was reading that," I protested. "I'm sorry... that my wife finds ink on paper more interesting than her husband, " he replied with a ridiculously adorable smirk. "Well it is a really interesting book". He gave a little hurt look as I laughed. "Aasmaa...," he said, gripping my hands a little tigher, " seeing the way you are with my parents, makes me feel they are more yours than mine and I absolutely love that. In such a short time you've stolen quite a few hearts... I mean, I just wanted to say thank you."

"Please don't thank me, they have given me more than you will ever know, you all have," realizing that this was my opportunity to ask for something, I quickly continued, "Okay I accept your thanks, but it's a big thing so I deserve a gift too right?" He looked at me a little confused before smiling and replying, "Anything you want, name it and it's yours."

"Do you promise? "

"Yes"

"You won't get mad?"

"I could never be mad at you. Please tell me."

I took a breath and decided to give it a shot. "Rayhaan, I'd like you to take me to see Sanaa's parents. I know you haven't seen them since the accident and it may be really good..." I saw that darkness in Rayhaan's eyes that I hadn't seen in a while. He removed his hands from mine and turned away. "Please Aasmaa, don't ask me for things I can't give you. " He said coldly. "Rayhaan please, it's the only thing I want from you..." I pleaded. "Well then I'm very sorry.."

In fear of driving him away I whispered, "okay I'm sorry, we don't have to. But if you do care about me, I hope you'll think about it, please." Rayhaan wasn't the same for the remainder of the night. He stayed quiet, so did I, both praying the other would change their mind.

It wasn't until later the following day that Rayhaan actually spoke to me again. "Okay, I'll do this because you want me to. I can't promise that the outcome will be present, but I'll give it a try if you are with me." Rayhaan's words make my teary eyes pour. I know how hard this was for him and I was so grateful for his change of mind. "Thank you," I whispered as I put my arms around his neck and held on for dear life. I could sense that he was tensed and promised him that it would be okay.

We took the half an hour drive to Sanaa's home that weekend. They cried at the sight of Rayhaan, they hugged him, hugged me, spoke of Sanaa as if she was in the next room, so full of life. They told Rayhaan that he should stop blaming himself, that God had given their daughter just that much of life and that even though it was short, it was so beautiful. I had never cried so much. These people are truly the definition of courage, courage only the almighty could provide. After crying, they shared memories and laughed , concluding with a tear. We all felt a little lighter thereafter, a little more at ease. At least I hoped so. I couldn't really tell how Rayhaan felt from his expression.

After the silent car ride home, it was late and I went up to the room. As I began opening the bed covers, I felt shakey arms curl around my waist from behind. Rayhaan held on tight, brought his lips close to my ear and whispered, "You are really my angel. The angel I asked God to send me, you're her." I felt his tear trickle down my neck. My heart went into a frenzy and I felt every nerve in my body dance. Turning to face him, his arms still holding me close, I dusted away his tear and smiled. "You are so brave, I'm so proud of you." Then he smiled.

"Aasmaa I... I... "

"yes?" I urged feeling the perfect moment.

"Nothing... that pillow is calling me." He gave me a sweet smile, let go and walked.

That stung so badly, I was so hurt, I felt irrational and betrayed. Before I could stop myself I remarked,  "You always do this, you say I matter to you then why can't you say it? Why? Maybe it's because I don't matter that much. Maybe I'm just a friend to you."

"No Aasmaa... just hold on," he replied shocked.

Before he could get closer, I sprinted out the door. I couldn't help it. I felt cheated. I wasn't thinking and just kept walking, running out the front door, Rayhaan rushing behind asking me to stop. I loved him so much, I should just say it! By the time I had the thought, I was standing in the middle of the road. After that, all I saw were bright lights, hooting, Rayhaan's scream, and then...

Everything went black....