"Get in the car Hannah. I'm tired of arguing about this" he says stressfully. He sighs, walking around to his side of the car; his car keys clinched in his fist.
It was the third time we've argued this week. After two years of being together, you'd think everything that you would go through with your partner would be worth it. The sleepless nights, the small arguments that led to kisses and many 'I love yous' the little dates and late night grocery runs. Not this time.
I stood there, in front of his Jeep passenger door, watching him fiddle with his keys and with his oversized Jean jacket slumped over my right shoulder; my short arms not quite peeking at the sleeve yet. I tightly hugged my body making the jacket puff with his clean, laundry smelling scent. "I have every right to be upset, ethan" I walk to his side of the car, my short body facing him.
I wanted things to work. Fuck, I wanted it to work. But deep down in the strings of my tender heart I knew it wasn't going to. My heart strings slightly tightened at the though of it, making me feel weak and tears to swell up in my eyelids; threatening to fall down my cold cheeks on this fall night any second. I let my hair fall in front of my face as I let the tears slowly trickle down my face.
I hear him sigh deeply as he takes his three fingers and slightly run them over his eyelids, as if he was in distress. Was he making me look like the bad guy?
"You weren't supposed to find out this way" he spews, as if it was supposed to make me feel better about how embarrassed I felt in front of everyone I went to school with. My friends, his friends, the kids I never talk to. Everyone. "Then how was I supposed to ethan? Was I supposed to just not find out at all?" I coughed into his jacket sleeve, my throat straining at every word trying to come through my brittle and tired soul.
He tiredly and slowly nodded his head, closing his eyes.
"Look at me ethan!" I sullenly yell in his face, my voice cracking as I reach my breaking point; both in sadness and anger. My face hot as I raged and screamed. He backed up against his car, as he looked down at his feet with his hands in his pocket; his thumbs peeking out. His gaze finally met mine, as I finally see tears swell in his eyes to. As if, he knew it to. He knew it was over, but neither of us wanted to break apart two years of pure commitment. A quarter of it being unfaithfulness on his part.
I wrap my arms around my thin body, feeling for once, only my arms and not his. Taking in the nights he would lay with me and play with my curls until I fall asleep, the nights we'd make sweet love to each other as he would never endingly repeat 'I love yous' at each thrust he'd make. Every nervous prayer and part about me he got to know. Now, it feels cold. Thinking at how he might've done the same thing to the other woman.
"I'm sorry Hannah. Fuck I really am" he puts his head in his shaky hands as his body heaves back and fourth, showing the weak side of him that'd he never show. He always puts on a brave face for me.
"I waited for you Ethan every night, waiting for you to come home. I made you dinner, set up the table, set you out a coke with ice, made sure the food was steaming when you came inside. I'd take your jacket and the stress off your shoulders and give you endless kisses and I'd tell you all about my day, asking about yours. I'd always make sure your ties where tied perfectly for work and your suits and socks matched perfectly, making sure you where the most dapper and hottest man at work. I'd kiss you good bye and good night every fuckin night" I say, my throat cutting out at the last part; making my voice squeak at how the kisses and the affection with each other slowly dissipated at the more I thought about it and how stupid I was for caring so much. My vocal chords ripped through, making my voice crack at trying to get my words out, but failing every time I'd try.
"Don't baby. Please, don't do this to me. I want to do better, I wanna change. I want us to work" he cursed out profanities as he choked on his words. He lifts his head from his shaky and now wet hands; his eyes red and nearly swollen shut. He reached his hand out to me as I began to walk away.
I purse my lips as I turn on my feet and look at him; wondering if I should take his warm and inviting grasp that I'd always hold. His curls messily cover his pink-blotchy face. I wipe my eyes on his Jean jacket, taking in his clean-serene scent once more. He drops his shaky arm from my reach as his lips tremble and his feet slowly shuffle back to his Jeep; loosing faith in us and himself. He forms his hand into a fist as he lightly hit the glass on the drivers window as he leaned his head against it; sobbing, feeling like he's lost everything.
