The privilege.

Part 2.

And then, one day I decided to meet this girl from Tinder, and I'm not really trying to sound dramatic but she was beautiful but she never looked nice, it was almost like, she looked like an art and art wasn't supposed to look nice, it was supposed to make you feel something.

We had sex in the bathroom, in the kitchen, over the washing machine and she even let me fuck her in the portico, we danced naked and did almost everything that adds up to the wishlist of the 'lover's bonding.'

We talked over the phone for hours, video called each other whenever had a chance, she had this void in her heart from all the boys that played her and asked me to fill that by giving ourselves a tag, and that's the thing she never understood, you don't rush into any kind of relationship, you work on yourself, first. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. You do this first and you will soon attract the special loving other.

At times, she would doubt my feelings and at times I was worried myself for the lover in her and at times when she caught me lying, she never realized that I was not a liar, I only lied because I loved her, we lie to people we love, we're honest to people who mean nothing to us.

Hey look, I'm an asshole, but you got to be sure that any dude that makes fun of his girl when she loses her mind is a total dickhead, and at times when she acted crazy or had a breakdown because she thought she was not enough, that she couldn't express the way she really felt like, or because nobody could understand her, you got to be sure that you're her and she's you. The thought that you shall understand every motion and feeling and word is just too much. If you love her, in passing, like that tulip that will never die, then it's enough, you've done your job. You fill her.

The problem perhaps, is not the intensity of your love but the quality of people you're loving. This is what adds up to the restlessness of your soul. The depth of your love has nothing to do with your well-being but the attributes of people you're in love with, if they really give a shit about you or if they just pretend to.

And once she asked me, what is life if one day I wake up and had no memory of her, and I told her that there is a place in the heart that will never be filled ; a space. And even during the best moments and greatest times, we will know it.