Another Day Without You...

Chapter Ten.

Laid on her back, arm above her head and eyes wide open, her mind fuzzy and racing; nothing was clear and everything felt scary.

After what seemed like years of laying in the dark, and virtual silence other than the occasional cough and persistent snoring which the prisoners become numb to after a while, a noise was coming from above her - it was Lorna and she was getting out of bed!
Quickly wiping her cheeks and closing her eyes pretending to be asleep, she rolled facing the wall in hopes that the girl she loved with all of her heart would just go to the toilet and go back to sleep, Nicky didn't want to show anyone that this was really bothering her, but after years of being with someone 24/7 and them helping you through the hardest part of your life and still sticking by you.. how could she not be bothered.

Mothers days, Birthdays, Christmas's, anniversaries, sobriety milestones, urges - she was there through all of it. Most of the girls were and Nicky was so grateful and she loved them with everything she had, but Lorna was a different type of love, she wanted to be with Lorna and not just a prison family.. She wanted to spend every single day with her for the rest of her life.

The bunk above her creaked as the petite woman scrambled out of bed and jumped down, Nicky still lay with her eyes closed and facing the wall, after a couple of seconds it was quiet again, well apart from the indistinct sleep noises and the snoring from the rest of the dorm; Nicky had assumed that Lorna had gone until her bedding started to lift up and a warm body pressed up against hers, an arm wrapped over her body and fingers interlocked - Lorna knew nicky wasn't asleep.

"Hey you, don't pretend your sleep because I know your not, I know you Nicky Nichols, I know you more than you know yourself.
I know your scared, I know your frightened about the future and how your going to cope when I'm gone." A soft Voice whispered into her ear, Lorna always knew what Nicky was thinking.. always.

Nicky rolled over facing the love of her life, making eye contact with the little light that was coming through the windows as the sun started to rise, a smile crossed the little ladies face and she raised her hand to stroke Nicky's cheek and brush her wild, curly hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear before kissing her gently, lasting a couple of seconds before breaking away- "I know your going to be okay, I'll wait for you and you wait for me. I'll visit every opportunity I can, and I'll call and write and you'll carry on your days *with* good behaviour and you'll be out with me before you know it, I'm not leaving you Nick, I'm leaving this place."

"Lo.." Nicky clears her throat as her voice begins to break.
"It's going to be so fucking hard, I don't know if I can do this without you.. there's so many temptations in here and I need you more than you know, I love you more than you know... I haven't felt like this before and I know we say it back and forth but Lorna - I love you with everything I have, more than anyone I have ever loved. You are my routine, you are my focus.. I'm scared I won't be able to help you if you need me, or protect you or.."

Lorna places her finger on Nicky's lips and interrupts her panicked ramble. " I know, and I love you the same. But I'm telling you - You will be okay, I'm going to wait for you, things are different this time I get it, it's the same for me.
I need to get out, I need to start a life outside of this place."

Nickys eyes widened and a tear fell, lornas last words were racing through her mind, 'I need to start a life outside of this place'. A new life? A life without her and the family? Another tear fell as her lip quivered.

" *Our* new life. *our* new life with an apartment, and a job, and a dog and it will be prefect, but I can't do that from in here Nick, I need to get out to start planning and getting things sorted for you for when you get out, you need routine and stability- I can't have you coming out and having nowhere to go, your coming to live with me.. in *our* apartment. Me and you, like it's always been.. like it will always be."
Lorna caught up with her words whilst wiping her girlfriends cheek once more, she knew what Nicky needed, Nicky may not want it but she needs things- she needs stability and routine for when she gets out to limit stress and the chance of relapsing, Nicky hasn't ever had routine apart from the rehab centres and prison, it really helped her.

Nicky had no words, she was speechless! Which was mind blowing for Nicky Nichols to be speechless!

She just looked into lorna's eyes, stroked her face and planted a kiss on her lips, " I know, I'll be okay. You'll be okay. *we* will be okay. I love you." Nicky spoke quietly with both woman's foreheads touching, they wrapped their arms around each other and began to close their eyes, it would be the last full cuddle they would have in a while, maybe a long while as Nicky didn't have a release date.. it all depended on her sobriety and the drug, alcohol and therapy course completion.

Nicky had served her time but as part of her sentence she now has to complete the course in order to leave.

The pair fell asleep in each others arms for the remaining couple of hours, they both hadn't slept all night until now, comforting each other even in their sleep.
Fingers interlocked, bodies pressed close, for heads touching.. finally peaceful and asleep.

"Good morning ladies!
Anderson, Wright, McDonald and morello get your stuff together you have 20 minuets then your off to processing.
Breakfast starts in 30." The tannoy announced, waking the dorm out of their sleep.

Today is the day where everything changes.

No one was ready for it.. not even Lorna.