The Fire

Chapter Twenty

Present

My hands were on either side of the bathroom basin as I stared down into the rusty plug hole. The sobs were so loud I was surprised no one had followed me in. I took deep breaths in and out before I looked up into the mirror. My mascara had left black tear tracks down my cheeks and my eyes were red and puffy. All I wanted to do was go home.

I grabbed my bag and forced it onto my shoulder. I placed my hand on the cold door handle and took another deep breath before I swung the door open and ran down the hallway as fast as my legs would go. I could feel the many pairs of eyes burning into the back of my head, but I kept my gaze to the floor and my tears in. My footsteps echoed throughout the silent building and sent vibrations through my tiring legs.

Once I was clear of the building, and the people in it, my pace slowed, and I was able to get my breath back. Each intake was still shaky, and my legs felt like jelly. I could still hear the sirens in the distance, and it made my jaw clench just thinking about my brother handcuffed in a police car right now.

I felt lost. My best friend had been murdered, my other best friend was in danger and my brother was on his way to jail to await a court trial for murder. I'd never been so alone. I felt as if I had no one to turn to, and as I walked across the road, I considered walking the other way. Away from my house, away from my family, and away from all the problems in my life right now. I wouldn't have to see my friends or family get hurt anymore. I think that's what hurt me the most: knowing that my being here was causing them damage. It was my fault all along and I needed to stop blaming the ones I loved. I needed to stay and make sure everyone knew that it was my fault and they shouldn't blame themselves. Especially mum. God knows what she would be feeling right now. She might not even know yet, I certainly didn't want to be the one to bring the bad news. But as I neared my house, it was too late to turn back and I reminded myself of what my mum used to say to me as a child: "What will be, will be."

I reached into my jean pocket and fumbled for my keys. I sniffed and wiped my cheek to try and compose myself before I faced my mum. I knew the tears would return as soon as I opened my mouth, but at least I looked like I was staying strong and that nothing was wrong.

The key clicked into place as it entered the lock, and I turned it slowly while looking at my reflection in the window to see how bad I really looked. The damage wasn't as bad as I thought. My eyes were a bit puffy and the tracks of mascara seemed to have faded a little, but apart from that, I looked pretty normal.

The door opened slowly as I pushed it gently and called my mum. The silence was deafening. My foot stepped onto the doormat and I peered around the corner into the living room. The TV was on, but it was on mute.

"Mum?" I said again.

I walked into the living room.

My mum was curled up in the corner of the sofa. Her eyes were wide, staring at the television in front of her. She looked shocked, sad, scared...all at the same time. I guess she knew.

I dropped my bag on the floor and ran to my mum. I placed my hand on her shoulder and shook her to get her attention. Her head turned slowly toward me: her eyes unblinking and glassy. The words that came out of her mouth were unlike her own.

"What do we do now?" She was shaking very violently, but I let her speak, "We've lost everything...everything."

"I know mum, we'll just have to find a way. We always do."

She didn't say anything. I squeezed her hand slightly and left for the kitchen to make her a cup of tea. But I didn't get far before she called my name.

"Yeah?"

"The policeman said that there will be a court trial in a few months. To decide whether he is innocent or...or..."

"Guilty," I whispered the end of that sentence for her. It hit me like a slap in my face that my brother could be a murderer. He was like a stranger to me, and I wouldn't see him again until that day in court when his future would be decided.

My phone vibrated against the wooden floor from inside the bag that I had dropped, I left my mum's side to go and retrieve it. It was Christian.

"Sophie, I heard the news, are you okay?" He asked.

"Honestly? No," it took every piece of me not to break down onto the floor there and then.

"I just can't believe everything, do you want me to come over?"

"No, no, it's okay, I think we just want to be alone right now."

"Right, yeah, I understand." There was a silence before he spoke again. "And...I'm sorry for walking out on you the other day like that, I don't know what I was thinking. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now...just let me know if you need me okay?"

"Yeah, course, love you, Chris," I had to smile slightly, although my life was falling apart, Christian was always a constant in my life.

"Love you too," he hung up, and I lowered the phone from my ear and stared at the wall ahead, my mum's sobs coming from behind me.