YOUTH. | JK | COMPLETE

taehyung

WISH YOU WERE GAY
BILLIE EILISH

I just wanna make you feel okay
But all you do is look the other way, mm
I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay

Jeongguk doesn't think he's ever been so happy to see Taehyung. After the begrudgingly long train ride back to Seoul, Taehyung picked him up from the terminal and drove him home. He didn't ask what happened, knowing Jeongguk is the type who needs to think through and thoroughly process his emotions before talking about them, so he sat silently on the drive to Jeongguk's apartment and built a blanket fort in his living room, setting up a movie on his laptop to attempt to cheer him up.

But there was no cheering up for Jeongguk, at least not in the near future. He doesn't know what the shirtless man was doing in Haneul's apartment, but if his inferencing skills are even mildly competent, he doesn't need to know. If what was happening inside Haneul's apartment was anything like what it looked like, Jeongguk doesn't even want to know exactly what was going on before she opened the door. He feels hurt so intensely, to the point that he's numb to any other feeling. He doesn't even flinch when he stubs his toe on the coffee table.

He's silent until about halfway through the movie they're watching on Taehyung's laptop; some comedy, though neither of them are laughing. Taehyung gets up to answer the door, and when he gets back Jeongguk looks at him expectantly.

"It's nothing. Pizza guy had the wrong place." He says, and Jeongguk nods. Taehyung settles into the blanket fort once more, about to unpause the movie, when Jeongguk speaks.

"She was with another man." He blurts, bluntly and quietly. Taehyung sighs, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm really freaking sorry, hyung." Taehyung says, not knowing how to comfort the hurting man. Jeongguk shakes his head this time, pulling his knees to his chest.

"No, do not apologize. I should be the one apologizing, for making you come get me at this unholy hour of the night—"

"No, no, stop. Firstly, you didn't make me, I wanted to. It's the least I could do. No one deserves what happened to you, Jeongguk. Especially not you. Cheating is never okay." Taehyung says, firmly refusing Jeongguk's apologies.

"I do not even know for certain if it is considered cheating. We were never officially a...what is it that young people say nowadays? An...item?" Jeongguk asks, and Taehyung manages half a smile.

"Maybe people said that. Circa 2007." He says, but immediately backtracks as soon as he sees the disappointment on Jeongguk's face deepen. "That's not the point. Even if you weren't officially exclusive, that's still a crappy thing to do to you. With the lack of communication and everything." He explains, and Jeongguk sighs once more, resting his chin on his knees.

"I do not even care, to be honest. I do not care for whatever her relationship with him is. I just...I cannot help but wonder what the relationship we shared really was in her eyes. I do not know if this is merely one sided, or if I am delusional." Jeongguk says softly, mumbling into his sweat pants. "I do not know if any of it was substantial to her. If we were real or fake." He murmurs.

"I don't know for sure how she felt about you, but I do know that she'd be legally insane to lose someone as amazing as you for some random hookup. If she were smart, she'd see how special and important you are." Taehyung says sincerely, Jeongguk's dark, tired eyes glancing up at the blue haired man. "Losing you is her loss, not yours. If she can't realize how great the person she had is, she doesn't deserve to have you."

"I know, you are probably right. Thank you. I just...I feel so terribly alone, Taehyung. I know I'm not, I've got you and the guys, but—you know. You understand how it feels to wait hundreds of years for the one person who understands you and makes you feel like you finally found your reason for existence. I thought she was mine. I thought I was hers. But now, she's not, and I was wrong, and I feel so alone." When Jeongguk meets gazes with Taehyung again, there's an unreadable emotion behind his eyes, a foreign, and yet oddly familiar intensity.