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Saturday, May 12th, 2017. 7:35 AM. • • •
The coffee burned my throat as I chugged it; sitting with my knees to my chest on the couch, I flipped through the channels. The volume was low so as not to wake Ben, who had woken me up at 4:30, with his lips pressed to my shoulder and his hand down the front of my sleep shorts. I had given in to his advances. I needed to feel something other than anger towards him, and for those thirty minutes that followed, I was not angry.
Sighing, I settled on a rerun of Charmed and set my mug down, eager to watch the episode. After a few moments, I realized I was not genuinely watching the show; my mind was replaying Luther's quick, angry voice on repeat. His words were echoing as I stared at the screen.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock...
A click from my bedroom door alerted me to Ben. He walked out of the room, with no shirt, and his plaid pants hung low on his hips. He smiled at me before grabbing a towel from the linen closet. My eyes stayed on his retreating and waited until I heard the shower turn on before turning my attention back to the screen. He would be out in twenty minutes, dressed, and then eat a bagel with cream cheese and drink coffee before heading to work. We both worked at The Daily Planet, but he worked on the fifth floor.
As I sat there, I fiddled with my phone, playing a connect the dots game, until he walked out fully dressed. Smiling, he came up to me, and I breathed in his cologne as he leaned down to give me a quick kiss.
"What are you doing up? You're off today," Ben wondered as he walked into the kitchen.
"Couldn't sleep," I responded.
I heard his work shoes click against the hard floor of the kitchen, and then a sad sigh escaped his lips. He must have seen that I hadn't made his coffee for him. When I woke up this morning, it wasn't something I had thought of doing, and I always made it for him. I kept my gaze on the screen before me and listened to him fix his breakfast. I knew that this meant something, but I didn't want to voice what I'm sure he knew.
We weren't going to make it.
Soon, his hand clasped onto my shoulder, and I smiled up at him as he leaned down to kiss me. He told me not to wait up since his day would be long- something about a deadline for a video render.
The moment he was out the door, I turned off the tv, discarded my now chilled coffee, and slipped into bed. My mind was jumbled, and I couldn't come to terms with listening to it scream at me that I was going to be alone anymore. With burning, tired eyes, I wrapped the blanket tight around me and welcomed the darkness.
5:45 PM. • • •
The smell of dinner settled into the air. Spaghetti sauce and Italian sausage sat in separate pots on the stove with their lids while I waited for the text from Ben. The noodles sat in the sink, and I reached for a bottle of wine off the fridge. Pinot Grigio will do. Filling my cup halfway, I settled on the counter, sipping the light pink liquid, and closing my eyes. I reveled in the quiet and just drank my wine, my mind wandering.
