playing with cards • bakugou x reader

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(A/N: this isn't related to the main plot, it's a side story, these side stories will be titled with morse code numbers instead of the main chapters that use roman numbers.  

TW: mentions of abuse, suicide, depression, and low self-esteem  

I recommend you play the song while reading :)

Clair de lune - Debussy 

It hurts. It all hurts. Why did it turn out to be this way?

Tears hit the pillow as I sobbed quietly so no one would hear.  Not that anyone would anyways. No one cared, I'm not important enough. 

Yet you do. 

Every night I think about your kindness towards me. Why did you do it? Was it out of pity? Do you want something in return? I'm just a regular human being on this regular planet we call earth. Why am I so different in your eyes? 

My stupid face. 

My stupid hair. 

My stupid voice and stupid smile and stupid brain and stupid- 

"(Y/N)!" 

Your eyes as bright as blood. Your hair as soft as a cloud. Your smile as sweet as the morning day. You were perfect. So why me? A failure, a disgrace, and disappointment to everyone around me.

"Hey, Katsuki . . ." 

The door to my hospital room closed, I watched as he came closer to me.  Tears were in his eyes. Why would he be crying over someone pathetic like me? 

"What the hell were you thinking!" Bakugou came by my bedside, falling to his knees, as he held onto my arm tightly. I heard his quiet sobs as they filled the room. He's too good for me. I don't deserve this. 

"(Y/N) . . . Why did you try and kill yourself?" His voice was thin, he looked at me with such a horrified look on his face. 

I looked up at the white ceiling, unable to look at my boyfriend in the face. 

"Claire de Lune. . . "  

A small smile was placed on my face, replaying the beautiful melody in my mind. 

"It's so calming, yet just by listening you can tell there's a story behind it. There always is. A song that can put your nerves at ease yet make your mind go into pure chaos." 

Katsuki didn't dare say anything, he wanted to be there for me, but I don't deserve that. 

"Every time I hear that song, it brings me back to us, and our relationship.  'Light of the moon'.  At the start, it's all sweet. Just like we were, you always cared for me, protected me and was the light in my darkness. . . 

But even in space, with all the stars, 

There is only darkness." 

I looked at him, totally unaware the tears that had managed to escape. Katsuki lifted his hand wiping them away with his thumb.  

"Katsuki . . . I can only feel pain. I tried and tried to become better for you because you were everything I needed. And I thought if I can change everything will get better. . .

But it doesn't.  We live in a world where we are born to die." 

~Flashback~

"(Y/N)! Where the hell do you think you're going?!"  

He hit me. 

Smashed a bottle on my head. 

Told me I'm useless. . .

And he's right. 

At this time, I was about eight at the time. Mother was gone from this world. All because of the man she married. He was abusive. He was dangerous. He was a monster. He drove my mother to madness, making her slit her own throat open. I remember it clearly. She always told me to stay strong yet she couldn't herself.  

Now that my mom was gone that man started attacking me. At first, I cried and cried. He would always tell me to shut up and suck it up, that I was a horrible child. That I was a mistake. That I was nothing. 

Punch by punch.

Kick by kick.  

He was never satisfied until I begged him to stop, or until I was bleeding from multiple places. I needed to stay strong, from my mom. Who couldn't be strong herself. 

Coming to school everyday with bruises and bandages. Students, even teachers asked if I was okay. I wanted to tell them I wasn't but I couldn't. I would have nowhere to go if I told them what was going on at home. So I stayed quiet. Just like he wanted. 

The quiet, good girl I'm meant to be. 

That's when I started getting into the piano. 

Whenever I played, it was like an escape. It was my one-way ticket out of this hell on earth. And I loved every second of it. Every single piece meant so much to me not even words could explain the effect. And I wasn't the only one who enjoyed it. 

Bakugou Katsuki. 

The usually hot-headed boy also enjoyed the calming sound of the keys. That's how we met. He heard me play and decided to stay for a while.  This carried on until for another seven years. We got to know each other, and we fell in love. 

But as time passed, that man at home became even worse. He started taking advantage of me in ways I could never forget. He took away something I could never get back. That lasted for another year or so, I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted out and fast. 

And that's where we are now. 

~Flashback end~

"My mom saw it as an easy way out. She was strong but even the strong can break down. I wanted to be free Katsuki. . . But there's no other way besides this."  

-small time skip- 

Everyone in this hospital knows my story. They arrested that man and told me I had nothing to worry about. 

Funny. 

They prescribed me some anti-depressants and scheduled some therapy for my traumatic experience.  

"(Y/N) . . . I love you. . . Please don't leave me!" 

I love you . . . 

Do I deserve this love? 

Am I worthy enough? 

Maybe not. 

But that's okay. 

"I love you too Katuski. And I promise. . . I will stay strong for you . . . 

my light in the dark "  

Word Count: 1033

Honestly, this was kinda interesting to write, considering I don't normally do stuff like this. I just wanted to upload this one-shot I had in mind because I don't know it seemed like a fun opportunity ya know? 

Anywho, tell me if you guys wouldn't mind more side chapters like this one and I'll be glad to write them! (Maybe even if yall have some request that would be cool too-) 

Also this might seem very messy because Author-chan is currently very stressed bc of exams. 

Anywho, next main plot update will be Thursday EST so look forward to that. 

bYE