❝Growing up weird❞

Chasing whose dreams?

"Come on, keep up!" Yelled my father as he glanced back to see me trailing slowly behind.

Panting heavily, I pushed myself to run as fast as him but fell short. My feet hit the ground hard instead of the light feeling you should end with and my shoelaces began to drag against the concrete. Suddenly it felt as if all the blood in my body had rushed into my cheeks, forcing me to feel overheated.

"Stop, stop. Please can we just take a break?" I begged him as I hung my head down low trying to catch my breath.

My father sighed rather heavily, "Take a break, but remember that you can't do this when you're trying to score a touchdown." He said in a tone of annoyance as he looked at me with his arms on his hips.

A split second later, he jogged back to the house as if he were unable to look at me any longer. I placed my back up against someone's fence and slowly sank down to the cold concrete not even watching him leave. My father never taught me to walk, he taught me to run. 'Chase your dreams' he would say, without acknowledging the fact that the dreams I'm being forced to chase aren't even mine.

"I have no dreams" I mumbled to myself before scouring for a small pebble to throw into the road and see how many times it would skip. Somehow speaking lies out loud hurt less than the sad truth in my head.

"You sure have that right."

I heard the voice from beside me and automatically recognized it. In fact, it caused me to jump to my feet and spin around. Cory, a boy in my sixth grade class stood directly in front of me with a big grin on his face and his enormous arms crossed against his flat stomach.

"What are you doing out here all lonesome?" He said using big words to make himself sound smarter than I am.

Uncomfortably, I played with my fingertips as a way to distract how nervous I was. "Just getting ready for the end of summer." I spoke trying to keep my voice as calm as possible. "Why are you out here.. 'all lonesome'?" I said copying his large phrase and sounding just as smart for a split second before glancing behind him to be sure he really was alone.

Cory chuckled as he began to speak, "I,"he emphasized. "Am actually never lonesome." He finished before pulling a phone from his pocket. "You see.. I have friends."

Like any other day this happens, I had absolutely no comeback. Cory was implying that I had no friends and he wasn't necessarily wrong. I felt the tears flood my eyes, but crying in front of him would make me seem like more of a wussy. Therefore, I did what I've been taught from day one. I ran. I ran so fast and so hard without looking back. Unable to hear over the sound of my rapid heart beat, I feared he may be following me so I didn't stop until I reached the familiar two story house I lived in with my family. Frantically, I rushed through the door and shut it tight.

"Look who's finally home." My sister, Katy, said happily as she waved her arms in the air and danced around me like a flower child.

My family has always been very strange. They can go about their day as if the world wasn't watching or listening and when someone had something to say, well, let's just say fists come in handy. That's where I'm different, how can anyone fight violence with more violence.

"Oliver!" My sister had stopped dancing now to stand directly in front of me, furrowing her brows "What's with you lately?"

Her question was genuine, but she couldn't possibly understand what was going on with me and to spare myself the embarrassment I vowed never to speak of it.

"I'm just..." inside my head I searched for words. "Stressed about football tryouts." I lied, keeping my eyes down. I found it easier to lie everyday if I didn't look my family in the eyes.

Katy smiled, "You'll do fine little bro." She said enthusiastically, but her eyes said it all.

I found myself sitting in my living room surrounded by my four sisters. Katy, who had just graduated and was on her way to moving out. Savannah, who is a popular cheerleader in her high school at sixteen. Lidia, who is fourteen but probably the most annoying. And little Hayley, who happens to be my favorite and only five year old I know.

"He'll probably trip and fall at tryouts" Lydia chuckled as we all fell silent. She looked around the room at all of our blank expressions, "I'm kidding!" She nudged my side with her elbow while eating crackers and cheese.

My sister is annoying, not offensive. So obviously I knew she was kidding but that didn't stop my stomach from aching. The truth is I knew I would face plant at tryouts, or I'd do something even more embarrassing. The pressure of being the only son of my father crept up on me constantly and I had to make him happy. At least one of us deserves to be happy.

"I'll try to remember to tie my laces." I joked and forced a smile that made everything seem fine in that moment.

"You - will - do - amaz - ing" Hayley approached me, attempting to mimic a robot.

I couldn't help but laugh and embrace her in a big hug. "Ohhh" I said dramatically as I lifted her onto my lap. "Since when did you get so smart?"

The question was more rhetorical but she still had a response, "Since..." she paused thinking. "Since forever!" Exclaiming with a smile and showing her dimples, she shrugged.

My father walked into the living room to see us all seated on the couch, he strongly kept his stone cold look that he was famous for as his eyes scanned each one of us before stopping on me.

"You should be heading to bed." He said placing the beer bottle down on the table beside his chair.

I didn't ask questions, I just nodded and put Hayley down on her feet. "Goodnight" I said softly to my sisters before looking back at my father one last time.

Once I was safely in my room, I locked the door tightly and laid down. The lamp beside my bed flickered as I stared into it and the wind created whistling noises outside my bedroom window. In a few days, I'll be on a field doing what I've been trained to do since day one. My feet will be there but my heart will be somewhere else. I huffed as I moved to lay on my back now and looked up at the barely visible white ceiling. Small black spots began to form in my vision as my whole body began to fall asleep. My mind on the other hand, stayed awake.