❝Growing up weird❞

Motivation

I sat at a table in a restaurant, staring into those deep green eyes and remembering why I loved them so much. I hadn't seen Christian in a whole day, so I assumed my medications had started to finally work. Seth met my eyes as he put his fork down and looked around the restaurant as if people would question why we were sitting at a table for two.

"Is this too much for you?" He asked at a low tone and looked back into my eyes.

I couldn't help but smile, he knew something was wrong before I even said anything but instead of being honest I simply shook my head.

"It's perfect." I said reaching for his hand but he quickly pulled away.

"I'm sorry," he chuckled. "I'm just a lot older than you and we should keep this on the .. very down low." He said at almost a whisper.

I completely understood, I wasn't stupid. I was in a coma for five years but I quickly got used to being older. Older didn't mean I was legal though and he was right to be cautious since he'd be the one getting locked up.

"I understand." I said picking up my fork and beginning to eat. I could feel his eyes on me as I did this and I knew he wanted nothing more than to take my hand.

Seth drove me home but stopped just before my house. He didn't go any farther because just from here, we could see my father's car parked in the driveway. I glanced over at him and sighed before speaking.

"Why can't I stay with you tonight?" I began begging him. "I've only seen your house one time."

Seth smiled but shook his head, "Your father would ask too many questions that you don't have answers to."

That was a lie, but I let it go. I had answers, they were just ones my father wouldn't want to hear and ones Seth would get into serious trouble for. He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips before looking into my eyes and caressing the side of my face.

"Are we hitting the gym tomorrow?" He questioned, in a sort of mischievous tone.

His tone brought back a memory, one that I haven't decided I regret yet. I looked out the window and closed my eyes, as I saw that day at the gym. I had looked at him and got lost in his green eyes for the first time. Immediately I thought of Christian and the only thing that filled my entire body was a numbness. I needed a sense of relief, at the time I needed an outlet. And Seth just happened to be that outlet.

I turned off my treadmill and took a seat on a nearby bench, "You must come here often." I smiled and motioned at his body.

Seth had did the same, turning off his treadmill and following me to the bench. "Everyday since I was sixteen." He said with a smirk.

I looked into those green eyes again before he picked up a bottle and took a sip of water. "I forgot my bottle at home.. do you mind?" I questioned motioning toward his own. "I can fountain it."

He chuckled and handed his bottle to me, "No need."

I could feel his eyes on me as I sucked the rest of the water from his bottle. I shook it to hear that there was absolutely none left.

"You must be the type who gets massively thirsty working out." He said taking his bottle back and slightly teasing me.

Knowing exactly what I was doing at the time, but not knowing why. I smiled and bit my bottom lip. And that's when he led me into the staff bathroom.

"Oliver?" Seth questioned within the car. "What do you say?" He asked having been looking at me the entire time my eyes gazed out the window.

I glanced back over at him and smiled, "Sure. I could use a good work out." I said enthusiastically before getting out of the car.

Waving goodbye to him as I walked the rest of the way to my house, I watched him drive away. I took in a longing sigh as I approached my porch and soon stepped inside of my house. The moment I walked inside, I could smell something burning. I walked into the kitchen with haste and noticed food had been left in the oven far too long and was nearly starting a fire. Quickly, I scoured for a hot pad and took the pan out of the oven. I turned it off and waved the air trying to clear the smoke before proving that to be unhelpful.

"Dad!" I yelled after opening several windows within the kitchen and living room.

My father didn't come downstairs, instead my siblings rushed to my aid and I let them handle it from there. I walked up the steps to my father's room and knocked on the door gently several times. After no answer, I decided to open it myself to see my father surrounded by many beer bottles on the floor by the side of his bed. With me being back and two of my sister's moving out, my father had changed in a very unhealthy way. I hurried to his side and checked his pulse.

"What the hell are you doing?" He mumbled and opened his eyes to glare at me.

I quickly retracted my hand from his wrist and stood up. "You left the food cooking in the oven." I said quietly.

My father made an attempt to stand but fell back down, "I put it in at four... it's only.." he looked at his watch trying to read it.

"Six." I said for him.

He glared, looking up at me and using the bed to help him off of the floor. "You think you're so smart because you have pride." He began to laugh.

Automatically, I knew where this was going so I backed away. My father obtained a serious drinking problem around the time I was in a coma, but it seems since I've been back it's only gotten worse. As I went to walk out of the door he grabbed my arm.

"Don't walk away from me when I'm speaking to you!" He yelled at me and held a tight grip on my wrist. "If you get to express your homosexuality, then I should be able to express how it makes me and everyone in this house feel."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not believing what he was saying. "I'm just expressing who I am." I said softly trying to keep tears from forming.

"And that makes all of us feel very uncomfortable." He said as he tightened his grip.

I winched at the pain and looked down at my wrist. "You're hurting me!" I yelled.

Once he noticed, he let go but didn't apologize. He just stared into my eyes and I stared back, realizing I saw nothing in his. Not a flicker of love or feeling for his own son, I decided to leave the house. I packed a bag as quickly as I could with everything I might need, including money. After he had passed out in his bed I went into his room and took over two-hundred dollars from his wallet without feeling a pinch of guilt and left out the front door. I walked along the sidewalk as it began getting dark and thinking about how I felt so unsafe in what had used to be my home. I walked to Seth's house and knocked on the door.

Another man answered, "Hi can I help you?" He questioned looking me up and down.

I looked at him confused, "Where's Seth?" I asked.

The strange man moved out of my way and motioned for me to come inside as he yelled for Seth. I looked around the house, remembering how I was once here and how much fun him and I had. Some things were different though, there were framed photos of him and this stranger everywhere. At the sight of me, Seth stopped midway down the steps.

"Oliver..." he said softly as if shocked to see me.

The stranger looked between us completely confused, "Branson, what's going on? Who is this?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out besides the sound of silence. Who was Branson? I questioned in my head until it all clicked. The photos, the stranger, the name, it was all fake. Tears began to form in my eyes but I remained as strong as I could. Instead of speaking to him, I just shook my head and ran out the door. I kept running, not looking back and not stopping until I realized how alone I was with no where to go.