Rupture | Bellamy Blake ² [Discontinued]

discontinued

I've dreaded typing out this message for days, but I finally realized that the only way to cease the incessant nagging in my brain is to finally write out my feelings.

After careful consideration of my life, this plot, season 4 in general, and the direction I want to take my writing in, I have decided to discontinue this book. It honestly breaks my heart because I love Fallon and Caleb to shreds; not writing about them is going to be strange, especially since I've been writing about Fallon's journey since 2015. I honestly think that this is the best choice for both myself and the series, and here's why:

As some of my older readers will remember from the last author's note I published regarding my lack of inspiration for this series, I have been seriously struggling with writing season four. I've experienced writer's block in the past, sure, but not like this. I once went six months on a single chapter for another story, but as soon as that was published, my motivation came back and I was able to push through until the end. However, this is a whole different case. The scenes are incredibly difficult to write. I reviewed 4x03 while I was trying to plan and essential plot points are revealed in really quickly cut scenes. Luna explains the radiation poisoning, Raven tells Bellamy and Clarke they have three months to live, and they embark on their mission to the bunker with Jaha in less than ten minutes. I feel like it's so much harder to even fit my OCs in those scenes without it being forced.

Additionally, I have tried to plan this season out, and I am honestly filled with inexplicable dread when thinking about the fact I have eleven episodes left to write. It's physically painful to think about. I have a section on the notes app for each of my stories, where I organize my ideas. I have been so dry with inspiration that my Rupture note hasn't been updated since the 22nd of August 2018. (It's the 17th of June 2019 as I'm typing this). That's just proof that I am very much struggling.

I know that I haven't lost my love for The 100 itself because I'm still very involved in the fandom (those who follow my tumblr know that). It's just that the past season and a half have kicked my butt in terms of motivation. Truthfully, uploading a chapter has become more of a chore than a joy, which is how I know that things have gone very far south.

It has been an honor to tell these characters' stories. Fallon, with her absolute selflessness (throwback to her literally passing out from exhaustion in season one because she wanted to help Finn) and determination. She is never one to back down from helping her friends and finding the best in the worst situations. With her hope for peace and relationships with Bellamy and Clarke, which are truly the heart of this series. I don't think I have a single friendship that is as rooted in childhood love and support as Fallarke, and although they have had a rocky dynamic, they always come back to each other. And Fallamy, who literally warm my heart when I write about them so much as looking at each other. Their intimacy and complete trust in each other has been so refreshing to write about.

And Caleb. I'm genuinely sad that I didn't get the chance to round him as much as I wanted to. However, I hope that you enjoyed reading about him and his sometimes questionable choices. I didn't anticipate loving him as much as I do— in fact, if Raven didn't exist, I would want to date him, myself. I'm so glad I was able to give her the love she absolutely deserves because she doesn't get enough of it in the show. I will definitely miss writing his banter with Bellamy (#Cellamy/Celery) and growing friendship with Fallon. I just wish that I could have delved more into his dynamic with Clarke— she basically knows him as Fallon's jerk ex-boyfriend who suddenly appeared and is in love with Raven, which I actually think is really funny when you think about it. Anyway, I'm going to stop rambling and move on.

I'm not done writing The 100 fanfiction! In fact, I have a fairly recent Raven Reyes fanfic set in season one called Fireheart. It is not connected to Conflate (because my character's relationship with Raven would not work if Caleb existed) but I hope you will enjoy it all the same.