FADED (book I)

Epilogue

Three weeks later

Dear mom,

I hope you're doing well at the rehabilitation center. I don't want you to see this as a punishment, we're just trying to help you. You're slowly killing yourself and you don't even see it.

I'm writing this letter because I don't want to come over to see you. You need to focus on yourself first and I'm scared that my presence will make you lose focus on what's really important, which is getting better. I promise to visit you when you're six months clean. I know you can do it, Mom.

I know what you're thinking - you're thinking 'she hates me'. I don't hate you mom. I tried, but I can't. I know I have every right to hate you for all the things you did to me but I decided I'm done. Done with getting my hopes up, done with holding onto the version of a mother you can't be. Done with letting you get too close because when I do, you get stuck in this downward spiral and I always end up being the one to drag you out of it.

I don't hate you. Even though you could made me feel like I was nothing, there were still times where you made me feel special. Loved.

Like that day we watched the Lion King together and I told you I never saw a lion in real life before, and the next morning you took me to the circus to see one. Or when this boy at kindergarten pulled my hair and called me ugly, you held my face and told me I was the prettiest girl in the world. And do you remember how you never threw away my drawings? No matter how awful they looked, you always put them on display - whether it was on the fridge or on the walls and even outside on the clothes line.

I don't hate you. I just don't want to give you the opportunity to hurt me again. And I am sorry for trusting you, that was my mistake, not yours.

I love you with all my heart and more, but I don't love that you love drugs more than you love me.

Please take care of yourself.

Love,

Jade.

"Jade! You're gonna be late for school!" Tristan yelled from the stairs.

"Coming!" I put my pen down and folded the letter. I wrote down the address and sealed the envelope.

Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, I casted one last look at my reflection in the mirror. I ran my fingers through my new haircut, letting the soft curls bounce against my shoulders. Adjusting the collar of my t-shirt, I gave one last nod of approval before I ran down the stairs.

I skipped the last step and jumped when an arm suddenly caught me midair.

Jordan put me down, releasing my waist. "No running around the house."

I smiled and handed him the letter. "Can you take this to the post office, please?"

He briefly studied the address, a flicker of doubt flashing across his face. "You sure?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"Okay." He cupped the back of my head and drew me in for a kiss. "Have fun at school today. I'll see you guys tonight."

"Bye." I waited until he left before I skipped to the kitchen. "I'm ready."

Ashton looked up from his phone. His eyes lowered to my skirt. "I think you forgot to put your pants on."

Tristan smacked the back of his head. "Leave your sister alone."

"Where's Noah?" I asked, taking a bite of my apple.

"I'm here," he announced, coming up behind me and stealing my apple.

"Hey!"

Ashton tossed him the car keys. "You're gonna have to fill up the tank first."

Noah ushered me out of the kitchen. "Come on, let's go."

"Wait," I stopped dead in my tracks and eyed my brothers. "Noah's driving me to school? You're letting Noah drive me to school? Noah? Do you want me dead?"

"Hey, I'm not that bad," Noah flicked my hair.

Ashton grinned. "I'll arrange the funeral. What kinda flowers do you want?"

"You'll be fine, babe," Tristan reassured me.

Noah grabbed my hand, practically dragging me to the car. As we drove to school, I rolled the window down, letting the wind caress my hair. The sun warmed my skin, sending pleasant tingles up and down my spine. It was the start of a new day, a new chapter in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I hadn't moved on. Not yet. I wouldn't entirely be at peace until those kidnappers were officially sentenced to prison. But I learned not to let my happiness depend on anyone, not anymore. I realized that the only thing that could truly heal me was time. And time only heals when you move along with it. And that is exactly what I was going to do.

My past had always been a big question mark - I was slowly fading away into a mist of confusion, constantly wondering if my life was just a dream, an illusion. But things were clear now, I could see now, my vision was no longer blurry. I could finally look ahead.

Because that's where I needed to go. I needed to move forward. Not back to where everything was dark and traumatic and one huge mystery.

I was glad all the secrets were out, I was glad my questions were answered, and I was glad all those nightmares finally made sense. I thought it was horrible what happened to me, disgusting. I was exposed to my biggest fears and weakness, but in the end I was finally exposed to the truth.

I got closure now. Old doors closed and new ones opened, inviting me into a new journey.

The end.