The Search Of The Lost

Chapter 2

The bright light seeping into my room through the curtains woke me up. I couldn't help the grin that fought its way to my face at the thought of being eighteen, but my smile instantly fell as I remembered the possibility of not receiving my much awaited letter. We'll see, I whispered to no one but myself. 

  I decided to change right away- I knew my mother was already up and waiting for me so that we could go out. I actually put some effort today, choosing to wear a yellow summer dress that reaches my ankles and some white flat sandals. I braid the side of my hair, the rest flowing reaching the base of my neck. I even bother with makeup and put a light shade of pink and some mascara. My final touch was the silver necklace on my neck and the simple flower earrings that I loved so much. I glance at myself in the mirror before I leave, somehow liking the person I'm seeing, but the look in my eyes spoke volumes. This wasn't supposed to be what I instantly recognize upon scrutinizing my reflection, but the expression in my eyes was absolutely hallow. It was brighter than most days though.

I went down the stairs to find mom sitting there in a white fitted blouse, dark jeans and matching them with a pair of black pumps. She was sipping on her coffee, while flipping through her book. 'I am ready!' I think I was overly enthusiastic, even my mom was surprised, her head snapping up to look at me. She quickly recovered and had a face splitting smile on. 'Happy birthday love!' She was quick to wrap me in her arms for a hug I happily returned.

We were soon in the car heading to ihop, our ultimate breakfast destination. I shuffled my playlist, and 'help' by the Beatles started to play in a low hum. I reached out to turn the volume up, I wouldn't listen to a song unless it was blaring. In a way, I always tried to have the music louder so that I could drown out the million voices shouting in my head, each voicing out different fears and tears.

A couple minutes of zoning out and drumming my fingers against the car door later, we were seated in our usual table drinking orange juice. I went for some pancakes and draped them with strawberry syrup, enjoying their taste in my mouth.

'So, did you decide whether it's going to be medicine or fine arts?' I cringed inwardly at her question, knowing I still had to tell her about my decision. Time to face the music.

'Well actually, I've been meaning to tell you for a while now but I never got the chance. I'm going to take a gap year mom' Her blue eyes went wide and her face immediately paled. My mother was an excelling law school student, her whole life is built around being the overly achieving lawyer that she is. I'm not complaining; her job is what keeps a roof over our heads, it's just that she always pictures me revolving my life around my studies as well. She rooted for me a lawyer too at first, but when she heard about me possibly choosing either medicine or art she didn't mind. Though what I'm about to experience now is the  displease of Lilian Woods, something you definitely didn't want to go through. I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for what was coming.

'What? Why? I thought you wanted to go to college? How do you expect to make a living?' I could detect the mix of anger and fear within her voice.

'I didn't even say that I'm not getting into college, just not this year.' I pause before continuing. 'When I'm sure about what I want, I'll decide then. I'll figure it out, I always do.' My answer somehow seemed to calm down her fueled fears. I already made up my mind, there was no way I'm going to change it. Even if it turns out to be a huge mistake, it will be mine and I'll deal with it. My life is a series of 'why was that ever a good idea' anyway, won't be a huge plot twist. I took my time with this one though, making sure it's what I need.  And that's how we spent my birthday breakfast in silence, her lost in thought and me wondering what the hell I'm going to do during this year.

The ride back home was filled with an unwavering tension, one that made me itch to get out of the car. The moment I arrived home, I couldn't help but notice the absence of the letter I hoped would arrive. I headed straight to my room, holding back unshed tears. I didn't let them out, I almost never do. I heard the door close with a small thud a few minutes later, signaling that my mother left for work. She didn't even take a break on weekends, it blows my mind how she manages to constantly work that hard.