Heart Race [Joe and Caspar]

[10]

Hey so some of you guys might be wondering where Joe has been this entire time. Well this chapter is about him.

Enjoy!

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Joe knew he had fucked up. He knew all too well. He had a problem with relationships for as long as he can remember.

He has had girlfriend's in the past, but none of them lasted as long as his and Melissa's relationship.

Him and his sister have recently been arguing more often.

Hell, even his parents haven't talked with him in about a year.

Now, some people in Joe's situation would ponder the thought of suicide, some would even attempt, some would lose that fight against suicide ending up with their lives being taken away from them.

Joe has had those thoughts for a while. He never admitted to anyone his feelings. After all, he would feel happiest with Melissa.

But those happy moments were stripped from him that God awful night of their two year anniversary. Alcohol consumed Joe's thoughts and the next thing he knew he was in bed with someone he didn't even know.

Usually when someone is pissed drunk, they remember little to nothing. But not Joe.

Joe remembers every single detail of that night.

He regrets it all.

Every single second.

Instead of his days spent with his girlfriend who he loved most in the world, they were spent laying in bed crying and beating himself up. Instead of telling Melissa how much he loved her, he now spent that time telling himself how much he hated him.

Joe was caught with the same illness Melissa caught.

Depression.

Hannah and Caspar used to get scared at how much time Joe spent in his once shared room with someone. But now they brush it off. They're still worried sick of their friend, but not as much as they used to.

Caspar and Hannah still continue on with their everyday lives. Except they have an extra weight on their shoulders which was Joe.

Joe stopped making videos. He hasn't seen a reason to do so. His viewers were worried, but after watching Melissa's video recapping what has happened over the course of the past two months they understood.

Instead of sending tweets asking when the next ThatcherJoe-Sugg-Sunday-Special would be, they sent tweets telling him to take his time.

Every single day he holds his phone in his hand with the number of Melissa's on the screen. Oh how he desperately wanted to call her. To apologize. To hopefully gain back the person he loved most in the world. But every time, he couldn't bring himself to doing so.

~·~

2:09 Am

Joe tossed and turned in bed, like usual. He couldn't fall asleep. He was tired as hell, but he couldn't fall asleep.

He couldn't fall asleep because the monsters in his head never seemed to rest. Even if Joe was fast asleep, the monsters find a way into his dream so he would wake up and the monsters would have a toy to play with.

Even as a child, he had these monsters. Of course, he would think of them as merely monsters under his bed or in his closet.

Now the monsters from his bed/closet moved into his thoughts. If they were to have stayed in his closet, he would only come in contact with them when he entered his room. But now that they have made a permanent move to his mind, he came into contact with them 24/7.

3:43 Am

Joe sensed that there was no need in trying to fall asleep, so there was no need in doing so.

So instead he let his thoughts take over his mind, as Melissa's would do so when they were still a couple.

'I hope she feels that it was an accident? Hell no she doesn't Joe you ass you cheated on her!'

Joe's thoughts kept going with repeating the words 'ass' 'cheater' 'horrible boyfriend' etc. He could only imagine how Melissa felt.

'At least I never abused her like some boyfriends so props to me.'
                                              
Joe thought smiling a little as how he wasn't the worst boyfriend out there. Even though he DID cheat on her on their anniversary...

He put all those thoughts to the back of his mind as he got up for breakfast. It was 4:14 am but there's never really a set time for food now is there? He got out of bed and put on his red sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. Walking up the stairs, he heard the tele playing some cooking show that Hannah and Caspar were enveloped in. 

Caspar and Hannah were beyond shocked to find out that it was Joe -then again, who would it be? Melissa? Last they checked there wasn't a chance of that.- wandering up the stairs. 

They attempted to make conversation with him, but Joe would just shrug them away using what Melissa would name it as 'Frankenstein noises'. Figuring they weren't going to get any sort of recognition out of him, they turned off the tele and went back down to their room to film a video.

Joe pulled out a box of Cocoa Pops, a bowl, milk, a spoon and sat down at the table to make his breakfast choice. Somberly, he stared at the blank wall mentally beating himself up. As he somberly chewed bite after bite of his breakfast choice, his phone buzzed, telling him that he had a new text message.

Well that's peculiar... Joe thought to himself. No one has texted me since... maybe it's Alfie and he has good news about Melissa. Maybe it's Melissa herself and she wants to get back together. Joe got his hopes up too high as he read the text from Alfie

From- Alfie at 7:23 am

Hey mate, give me a call when you can. I've got news about Melissa.

Picking his phone up he gave his long time friend a quick call so he could be informed about his love... or once love. One, two, rings passed and no answer. Three, four, finally an answer. "Hey." Alfie said into his phone.

Joe became scared. Alfie had sounded as if he hadn't had any sleep in weeks. He couldn't see him, but he could tell he was rubbing his free hand over his face, which was a bad habit of his to do. "Hey, erm.. so what happened? Is she okay? Is she hurt?" Joe asked question after question about Melissa's health and well-being.

"Joe.. Joe.. JOSEPH SUGG!" Alfie screamed to get Joe's attention. 

Joe shut his mouth, anxiously waiting for Alfie to share his news. "...Joe.. how do I put this.. Melissa is in the hospital.. she overdosed (A/N: Someone call the doctor)" 

And at that very moment, Joe could feel his whole world, collapsing under his two nimble legs.

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A/N

wow I'm so bad at updating I'm so sorry I don't know why you guys still read this. I don't know when the next update will be but I mean...

Bye.