My First Summer Without You

One.

5 months later

Ellie's POV

Dr.Guawroski sat before me, her hands entwined together as she rested her head on them, looking at me closely with her observing eyes.

I was sitting on the chair before her. I was beginning to feel tense. Therapy sessions were more consistent than usual this week. And, frankly, they were boring.

"You see, Elsa," Guaroski began with her high-pitched voice.

"It's Elle." I deadpanned. I couldn't believe she was doing this again.

'Guaroski' ignored me. "You've been weirder than usual. Sure, you've always been super super sad, but you're even more super sad this week, do you get me?"

I looked at her with confusion. I'm pretty sure a regular therapist wouldn't talk this way. But then again, she was far from a regular therapist. I just nodded, giving her the message that I 'get her'.

"I thought that, with school over, you'd be a bit happier. You don't have to worry about schoolwork and can grieve in peace." For a second, I saw the concerning eyes of a girl I knew too well. One that wasn't a doctor. One that just wished to help her big sister.

"I just can't imagine summer without her." I confessed. Summer was different than any other season I'd have to live through without Paige. One glance at Paige, and you'd feel like its a warm day with the sun shining and smell the salty ocean. She felt like summer. She made you feel relaxed, comfortable, and happy. She'd make you forget all your past problems. Perhaps thats why she loved it. She always felt like she and it were connected, that she wasn't truly herself anytime other than summer.

My little sister abandoned her weird persona and went up to me. She threw her arms around me. "I miss her too." She said in a quiet voice. She then looked at me with her big, blue eyes. "But I've also missed you. You haven't talk to me in so long. You only talk to me when I play a doctor. I already lost one sister, I don't want to feel like I'm losing another."

It was true. I'd distanced myself from them. Seeing them just reminded me of one thing- that any other family member could die at any moment. I couldn't bear the thought of losing another person. I tried to forget this thought when I looked back at Sophie. "I have to admit, you're not a bad doctor. I just wonder what Teddy is doing here." I pointed at the stuffed bear sitting on the edge of my desk.

Sophie gave me a toothy grin. "He's my receptionist, of course."

"You are very successful for a seven-year-old, Soph. Surely, you need a break."

"Finally, someone understands." She said. "I've had to work all week! If I don't who's gonna pay the bills?" Sophie always joked about being the provider of the family. It made her feel important, like she had a true responsibility in this family. 

"I have an idea," I told her, and her eyes widened in response. "Let's go to the beach."

"The beach?" She was either confused or shocked, I couldn't tell. "You never liked the beach." 

"Yes," I admitted. "But you do." Paige always took Sophie to the beach. I didn't want Sophie to miss out this year. She was too young to stay inside during the summer in a time like this. She had to keep herself busy.

---

2 years ago

" I swear to God, Ellie, if you don't stop reading those boring books of yours and get a life I'm going to burn them all!" Paige was waiting impatiently by my door, wearing a colorful sundress with a baby blue swimsuit underneath.