slow burn (steve rogers x bucky barnes)

blowing it

They share a moment, a brief glimpse of life beyond this fragile friendship, face inches close from each other's. Steve abruptly looks away, breaking the tension between them, and Bucky spots the blush forming in his cheeks.

"Why do you always do this?" Bucky asks through gritted teeth as the disappointment sinks in. Of course Steve won't make the first move.

"Do what?" Steve forces a chuckle, his voice strained, as he backs away uncomfortably from Bucky.

"You know what," Bucky says, taking a step towards Steve like a tiger about to pounce its natural prey, the helpless gazelle. Ironic isn't it, graceful as a gazelle he may be, but Steve is anything but helpless. So why is it when he replies, "No, I don't," his voice cracks and his throat seizes?

"You're telling me you don't deliberately pull away whenever we share a moment?" Steve's breath hitches as he takes another staggering step backwards, feeling the marble countertop pressing against his back.

His fingers tighten around the edge of the kitchen sink. "Nn..no..," he gulps. "What moment?"

"You don't feel this?" Bucky gestures at Steve and then himself, and Steve swears that if Bucky doesn't stop this shit, he's going to lose it. He's going to lose it all, his mind, body and soul, and shove it on a silver platter into Bucky's hands to play with like putty. Fuck. What has he gotten himself into?

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No?" Steve holds his breath, shaking his head.

"No."

"Okay." Bucky nods, and then takes a step back. A sigh of relief escapes Steve's lips. A small smirk forms on Bucky's lips. Both have very beautiful lips, mind you. And right now, Steve is almost scared by that grin; the kind that Bucky wears when he's got a new conquest going for the kill.

"Prove it," Bucky continues. "Kiss me then." He always does this - says things he doesn't mean; only does it to torture Steve. So close. Never close enough.

"Fuck off."

"Do it." Why must he torture him so? Steve shakes his head. Careful. You know you shouldn't ask questions you don't actually want to know the answers to.

"That's the stupidest idea you've come up with." A flash of hurt crosses Bucky's eyes.

"Stupid?" Bucky asks. "Is that what you think of me?"

Steve can't identify the wrought emotions in his voice, and suddenly, he's not sure Bucky's the one torturing him.

Ever paid attention to how kids abuse the toys they love? They smack their little toy cars against the pavement and cry when one of the wheels rolls off, Steve thinks, It's funny. Kind of like how we treat the ones we love. We say things we do not mean just to be mean and when they hate us for hurting them all we can do is cry like we're the ones whose hearts are broken.

Bucky scoffs. "Your silence says it all."

"Shit. No of course not," Steve exclaims.

But it's too late because Bucky shakes his head. Then Steve thinks... he thinks he might've blown the only chance he might ever have.