m i a m o r | benjey

02

      he had jet-black hair in the form of twisty curls that bounced lightly off his forehead. he had tan, smooth-looking skin. fawn brown eyes.

     he wore a plain white shirt, clean and tucked into a fitted pair of blue jeans that cuffed at the end. he wore high-top converse that, oddly, were a pail shade of yellow, something you don't see as much. he finished the look with tiny, colorful butterfly clips that decorated his hair tastefully.

       he wallowed in shyly, back slightly slumped, curls hiding some of his face, his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans.

     usually i would gulp and possibly laugh under my breath at a situation like this. it's bad enough to be a new kid here, but to be a boy dressed like this? he won't survive the first day. the kids here will eat him alive.

      but today was different. the boy, i must admit, was beautiful, one of the most flawless people i've seen as far as i can remember. i felt my chest shifting almost annoyingly when he walked in.

      for most of my life i'd classified myself as straight. but as high school progressed, things began to shift... glances in the football locker room lasted longer, daydreams began to emerge- you see the pattern here. after much denial, i considered that i could be gay. but, confusingly, i still felt those butterflies for girls. after many restless nights, i came to the conclusion i am bisexual.

      of course, i couldn't come out. i mean, i was the most popular boy in school, so besides a few stray homophobes i would be mostly accepted. i should feel lucky, i know i should, because many of the closeted kids at my school that fall lower on the totem poll would not be so lucky. but somehow, i just have a weird feeling that i just.. can't do it.

      mrs. rashel's nails-against-a-chalkboard voice snaps me back to reality. her old, harsh eyes are darting around the room like she's looking for something.
"well, jorge, there seems to be an empty seat next to benji. run off now, c'mon. take your seat."

      little did i know this is where it all changed.